I have been asked to pass on an important announcement from our branch representative on the Conspiraloon™ High Council.
I bring you sad tidings
You will all, of course, be aware that the Conspiraloon™ movement has been struck by a series of mortal blows in recent days, including:
- Exposure of our secret network of invisible nazi cannibal child molestation animal cruelty race HATE forums
- Revelations that we hold extreme right wing beliefs so EVIL that we do not express them publicly, or amongst ourselves, or even think about them
- Publication of testimony by the world's leading scienticians which conclusively PROVES that mistrust of the establishment is an UNDENIABLE form of mental illness
- The SHOCKING news that the State Broadcasting Company is producing a television program which will ridicule us for saying NAUGHTY things about the State. This is in spite of the fact that we were extremely polite when we told the BBC to go fuck itself several months ago
The result has been an almost total shutdown of Conspiraloon™ operations across the globe and almost certainly an end to the occupation of Iraq, the neutralisation of terrorism as a threat to the British way of life and the demise of finance capital as a force for evil
Alliance members are understandably demoralized and despondent
At this point in time it is clear to me that only one course of action is open to us
We must start insulting each other publicly and brutally, pausing only to heap fulsome praise on the most demented comments made by anonymous contributors, and we must do it NOW!!
My fellow Loons, The thread is open...
The Secret Grand Master