Just One More Thing To Worry About

Hot news! Just in from the department for having a laugh:

UN is told that Earth needs an asteroid shield
Scientists call for £68m a year to detect danger, and more for spacecraft to defend against it

Elsewhere: Funding for the eradication of predatory capitalism slashed

Attention Passengers!

Following the videos, that were both chilling and shocking, shown on colour television last night, conspiranoid frequent flyers are advised to watch out for:

1. Airplanes with windows made of 12mm safety glass rather than the normal triple pane construction
2. Airplanes with bits of plastic leaning against the walls purely to fly about in an alarming fashion
3. Fellow passengers with prosthetic robot arms

And before flying, make sure no one in your community has conducted around 30 test explosions in a flat near you.. A quick call to your local nick should clear this up, as they routinely film these things.

We do not wish to alarm our community as:

1. A transatlantic liner such as the 747 can retain cabin pressure with up to five windows missing, (even non standard ones we presume), apart from in films.
2. Airplane toilets do not have windows, to prevent nosy seagulls watching you have a dump, wank or 'filling in' your application to the 'mile high' club.
   
3. These loose lying panels have never been observed-YET!!
4. Home made robot prosthetics are very hard to fabricate in a surveilled flat, even harder than explosives. They are also trickier than the compact, but deadly, victorinix picknicker to get through airport scanners. Especially when attached to brown skinned cartoon joke-hadis.
5. Terror Tech Tip: It is advisable to construct the robot arms in situ, from a set of components disguised as innocuous everyday objects, like Scaramanga's infamous 'Golden Gun'. We suggest a telescopic tree lopper, central heating motor and a car battery. The hydraulics can be rigged together using garden hose filled with TANG! (diluted 10 parts to one)!
   

Notes:

The device, made from an Oasis soft drink bottle, had to be put together with a remote controlled arm at a government laboratory because the mixture was so volatile, a jury heard.

Keith Ritchie, a senior case office at the Forensic Explosives Laboratory said: “If the mixture reacted unexpectedly with the detonator inside it would result in the death of anybody nearby.”

But judge Mr Justice Calvert-Smith questioned the relevance of viewing the hypothetical tests.

"We have to deal with fact," he told the court. "This is a conspiracy rather than actually causing an explosion or murder."

The judge said the jury's concern was whether such an explosion would have endangered an aircraft and killed anybody.