They Have Us On The Run

Time to scarper, shipmates:

Conspiracy theorists have used the internet to co-ordinate increasingly slick attacks on the accepted versions of events, but now a group of scientists and sceptics has decided it's time to organise and fight back.

The British Broadcasting Corporation's crack anti conspiratorial unit has found a new hero in Arran Frood, who breathlessly informs us:

While many people find them harmless fun, others believe there is a darker truth (sic)- that conspiracy theories are rewriting history, warping the present and altering the future.

Well, if we could do all that, things would be looking brighter. However, just in case we seize control of the means of fabrication from the likes of Arran and Mike, we are warned that:

Enough is enough they say - it's time to fight back.

What human forms has the god nemesis placed on this earth to rid it of our humble kind?

...scientists, writers and comedians* target conspiracy theories - and their close cousins pseudoscience** and medical quackery***

scientist, writer and comedian

What weapons has he placed in their hands?

"more rational, critical thinking"

Which, as we all know, is like purest green kryptonite to our miserable clan.

Furthermore, they intend to invade our last refuge - the internet!

They even, strangely, have a "high priest", one James Randi, a famous entertainer who we are told:

"offered $1,000 to anyone who could prove the paranormal was real. Donations swelled the booty to more than a million dollars, but no applicants have passed the preliminary test."

Though they didn't mention that the preliminary test seems to be getting Randi to agree to it, as Rupert Sheldrake (not a magician, only a scientist) recently found out.

Fighting conspiracy theories seems to take a heavy toll on these warrior rationalist fellows. The 'sceptics' (who actually seem to believe everything they're told) complain terribly about 'isolation', 'abuse and ridicule'.

scientist, writer and magician

But plucky types like Dr Phil aren't going to be put off as easily as that:

Dr Phil Plait cites the myth that an egg laid on the first day of spring will stand on one end. Plait says that 10 years ago half of his audience had heard of the story - now that figure is less than 10%, which he says is down to using the web to disseminate articles that prove the claim is nonsense. "Legends do die," he says.

I'll sleep well tonight, knowing that's been cleared up.

So, if you're having trouble believing all the fucking shit you're told, just pony up £175 to the magician, and all your worries will disappear.

Original bullshit here

* It may be hard to tell them apart
** Must be that Global Warming Climate Change they're always on about
*** Have you volunteered your child yet?

Conspiraloon Alliance Logo of the Month

Is it a cult? Is it a church? Is it a U.F.O. (Unidentified Faith Organisation)?

Can you guess what it is yet?

Say what you like about the Cult of Scientology, but don't ever suggest that their logo is comprised of two pyramids interlocked by a serpent.