Keeping it in the Family

The very real very threatening threat of the very real very bomb-like bomb dogs

Years ago this would have been recognised as a parody, but we're NOW living in the NEW NORMAL NWO. In the NEW NORMAL NWO, parody is more real than what is actually real, if we knew what was real to begin with.

Kamikaze canines: The sick Iraqi terrorist plot to bomb a U.S. plane with an exploding DOG | Mail Online

The sickness is the cure.

Guest Post: Craig Murray

It's been quiet for a while at the Conspiraloon Alliance. This is due, obviously, to the fact that since the last important missives from outside the realms of sanity were issued, everything in the world has been fine and dandy.

Regular readers from the olden days will be pleased to learn that the importance of what we do has been recognised far and wide among the lords and masters we never chose, and we have not suffered as a result of the government quango budget cuts.

Now that wasting precious materials printing money faster than Toys R Us can stock up on Monopoly boards is the height of fashion, it's probably about time to dust off the straw men and restart the circuses.

If you're expecting bread too, even though we're all in this together you're on your own with that one.

But still, chins up, keep calm and carry on. Don't you know there's a war or two on?

To remind us why there's war or two on, and to mark the occasion of the reopening of the Conspiraloon Alliance Circus and Freakshow, what better way to start than a Special Guest post from none other than Former Ambassador to Usbekistheroin, Craig Murray.

So without further ado, here's Craig.............

Sky News Exclusive - Inside the World of the Taliban Sandbank Squads

BIGGER THAN 9/11

MOD sources have revealed exclusively to Sky that the Taliban attack on HMS Astute could have been "Bigger Than 9/11". As Sky correspondent Adam Ramsay was told exclusively by Taliban commander Hilal-al-Wemadeituppy, a crack Taliban team planted the Improvised Sandbank Device that almost destroyed HMS Astute on Friday.

HMS Astute Disabled By Deadly Taliban ISD Attack

Now MOD and security service sources have told Sky security correspondent Oswald Moseley that this attack was potentially "Bigger than 9/11". This is the 435th such potentially bigger than 9/11 attack since 9/11.

Sky can exclusively reveal that, if the contact with the Improvised Sandbank Device or ISD had caused an explosion in the nuclear reactor on board HMS Astute, it could have wiped out the two hundred million people living on the North West Coast of Scotland.

John Reid, former Home Secretary, told Sky News that this was evidence that the Islamic threat was now potentially more destructive than a full scale nuclear war with China.

AN OVERWHELMING CASE FOR 196 DAY DETENTION

Lord Blair, formerly Head of the Metropolitan police, believes that Britian must now strengthen anti-terrorism legislation and re-open investigations into thousands of Muslims who have been searched or arrested and released.

"In the past we have concentrated on looking for potential bomb ingredients like sugar or domestos. We now realise that many suspected terrorist houses, where insufficient evidence could be found for a prosecution, in fact contained sand. This was often found in the garden. It was very often cunningly disguised as a playpit. All reasonable people must deplore the use of children as a front for terrorism. We believe that sand may also have been cunningly incorporated into the very fabric of some of these homes."

Sky News can exclusively reveal that Lord Blair's remarks have reopened debate on the vexed question of Detention Without Charge. Top security analyst Rupert Mussolini believes that the sandbank threat proves suspects should be detained for much longer periods to give the police time to think up a ludicrous pretext. "If you are going to bang people up without reason for 28 days, why not 196?" he asks.

BRITISH MUSLIMS IN SECRET AL-QAIDA TRAINING CAMPS

In the past, it has been revealed exclusively by Sky News that Muslims engaged in any form of sport or outdoor activity, such as skiing or white water rafting, are actually engaged in Al-Qaida team building exercises. Only now do we realise the full extent of such activity in intensive training camps actually here in the UK to give secret training in the preparation of Improvised Sandbank Devices (ISDs).

Deadly Sandbank Training

HISTORICAL ROOTS

Military historian Andrew Mengele has explained exclusively to Sky News that Muslims would be incapable of thinking up a tactic like the Impovised Sandbank Device (ISD) for themselves, but were taught it by the British.

Dr Mengele explained "Many military historians like myself beliive that the Improvised Sandbank Device, or ISD as we military historians call it, was intoduced into Islamic culture by that great master tactician of guerilla warfare, Lawrence of Arabia".

Lawrence of Arabia With Prototype Sandbank

IRA LINK TO AL-QAIDA

In an interesting twist, Sky's Northern Ireland correspondent John Knoxkingbilly can exclusively reveal to Sky viewers that the security services in Northern Ireland believe that the ISD provides further evidence of tactical and ideological linkages between al-Qaida and the IRA.

The Riddle of the Sands

There is, apparently, no end to the fanaticism of the Taliban menace, of which the Improvised Sandbank Device is but the latest manifestation of an infinite threat. In the chilling words of Taliban Commander Hilal-al-Wemadeituppy, talking exclusively to our Chief Correspondent Adam Ramsay, "We will fight them with the beaches, Inshallah".

Foundation Frenzy: The Chinchillian Foundation

A Special Conspiraloon Special Exclusive Special Extra, courtesy of Conspiraloon guest writer, jtf.

The Chinchillian Foundation was set up last year with the aim of steering youngsters away from being rabbitalised. The Foundation is named after 18th century rogue and pamphleteer Maximillian Chinchillian, who travelled the length and breadth of the Midlands preaching guerrilla resistance against the British.

It aims to steer easily-led youths towards a path of non-confrontational passive dialogue leading to a wider consensus between communities and an overall cohesive pudding of social inclusion, keeping our democracy vibrant well into the new age. This is costing £4 billion over 2 years, before the Foundation is wound up and the principal players move to Majorca.

Hassan Butt was an impressionable young critter

Hassan Butt, who claimed to have been a rabbit all the way from 1998 to 2002, told how he was met at the gates of a prestigious university by a large rabbit all whiskery. He was taken to a community centre where images of conflict were projected onto a giant carrot. By the time he came away an hour later he was sporting a prodigious beard, and determined to rabbitalise all his friends and known associates.

Butt pictured in his student days after 'rabbitalisation'

Butt was interviewed in several highly regarded media outlets, relating how he had met many lethal rabbits, trained 400 chinchillas in the arts of war, and finally renounced rabbitalism to keep a low profile with his face in the daily press.

Questions are now being raised over the veracity of Mr. Butt's adventures

However, the police have now announced that Mr. Butt was 'almost certainly' not a rabbit all along. A spokesperson for the Chinchillian foundation said "That's OK, we've got a dozen more like him in a cupboard somewhere. This does not affect our funding in any way."