Friday, 1 June 2007

The Royal Family are bloodsucking alien lizards

It's official, an ex-sports commentator says so, repeatedly. And it's reported in a mainstream newspaper so it must be true:

The Royal Family are bloodsucking alien lizards - David Icke
The Scotsman, Mon 30 Jan 2006

DAVID Icke, the former sports presenter who once proclaimed himself to be the Son of God, has offered up more of his unusual wisdom, this time claiming that the Royal Family are "bloodsucking alien lizards".

Mr Icke, 53, claims the Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh are shape-shifters who drink human blood to look like us.

The Queen

And the father-of-three says a race of half-human, half-alien creatures has infiltrated all the world's key power positions.

He claims the US president, George W Bush, and his father, the former president, George Bush, are both giant lizards who change into humans.

Mr Icke, a professional speaker who has published 16 books, believes that the alien hybrids were behind the "murders" of Princess Diana and John F Kennedy, as well as the terrorist attacks of 9/11.

He claims the only reason that the public cannot see this is because we are obsessed by popular culture, such as EastEnders and Coronation Street, and Page Three girls.

Mr Icke retired from public life after being ridiculed for appearing on the Wogan TV chat-show in 1991 and claiming he had been chosen as the Son of God. The former Green Party spokesman now lives on the Isle of Wight with his second wife, Pam, and lectures around the world on his theories.

He was speaking about them on The World's Strangest UFO Stories - The Great Alien Conspiracy on the Discovery Channel last night.

David Icke, sports commentator

Mr Icke said: "When you get back into the ancient world, you find this recurring theme of a union between a non-human race and humans - creating a hybrid race.

"From 1998, I started coming across people who told me they had seen people change into a non-human form. It's an age-old phenomenon known as shape-shifting. The basic form is like a scaly humanoid, with reptilian rather than humanoid eyes."

Solid research work from David Icke, we're sure you'll agree! Raise a goblet of blood, preferably Icke's, to maintain your scaly, reptilian humanoid form and toast the man, preferably over an open fire.

The Conspiraloon™ Alliance suggests David's terminology, "bloodsucking alien lizards," is better phrased,"parasites", or we would if we knew what class politics is.


paul said...

Parasites? That isn't going to pull in the punters is it? Suspiciously close to a class based analysis of economic relations.

Conspiraloons brains are specially structured to exclude all that fancy dan stuff.

LizardWoman said...

Oh my god!!! I knew it!!! It really is true!!!

I worship the feet of David Icke.

The Antagonist said...

Class analysis, schmass analysis!

As if shape-shifting reptilian humanoids give a shit about that sort of thing.

Anonymous said...

Are you people for real?

I lived through the War of the Worlds which was very, very, very terrifyingly real and I don't think you should mock the alien overlords in case they come back for seconds.

Feminist Poledancer said...

Deniers! We know how they do it we just want to know why they do it and I demand any sort of Inquiry to prove I'm right.

Now I'm going for a lie down as I've got a stonking hangover.

* headdesk *

Jon Doy said...


don't you see ? the real conspiracy is that many of the lizards in the world are actually tiny shape shifting humans in disguise, well, except for the ones disguised as big lizards such as komodo dragons, they're closer to full human size...perhaps a bit larger than tom cruise

one time i saw this gecko running up the wall, when i half looked away i could see it morph into a tiny camilla - duchess of Cornwall, there was something strange hanging out of the back end though, i think it was prince charles morphing into a tamp...

The Antagonist said...

The Duchess of Cornwall has a very special talent, she can look like a horse too!

Jon Doy said...

ah, but the TRUTH!™ is that horses are colonies of hamsters, of course, they get badly compressed down the bottom half of the legs, but worker hamsters harvest any crushed perambuhamsters and carry them to the rear where they can be ejected as horse apples

and SHEEPLE!™ are exactly that, communities of small hominoids in a very similar fashion what we have been told are 'horses'