Friday, 1 June 2007

EXCLUSIVE PROOF: Alan Johnston kidnapped by aliens

Conspiraloonery Central has obtained exclusive proof that BBC reporter Alan Johnston has been kidnapped by flag-waving, Panorama-watching, aliens.

Panorama special - Where is Alan Johnston?

The picture below clearly shows BBC reporter Alan Johnston (picture left) in the bright and irresistable glare of the UFO tractor beam that abducted him without trace.

The UFO tractor beam was fired by the UFO (picture right) which has been cleverly constructed from standard UFO parts and a copy of the Panorama logo. The new style UFO with its Panorama enhanced tractor beam is specially designed to capture BBC journalists.

BBC executives were unavailable for comment, fuelling suspicions that they too have been abducted by aliens.


Stef said...

PANORAMA is, of course, an anagram of PARA (near to) AMON (the Devil)

Fairly conclusive proof that the BBC is in league with Satan if ever I've seen it

The Antagonist said...

Another open and shut case for the conspiraloon™s!

spaceling said...

george monbiot was the pilot of the panorama ufo and johann hari was his co-pilot. tony blair powered the ufo and tractor beam by masturbating feverishly.

Stef said...

then that would be an extractor beam then surely?

The Antagonist said...

then that would be an extractor beam then surely?

I thought "extractor beam" was the name given to the smile on Peter Mandelson's smug little face after the event.

paul said...

They could well be aliens, they only appeared a year ago, when they captured gilad shalit (I remember the crone philips' tireless efforts to make him israel's most famous soldier.He was our maddie for a while)

I can only think that aliens would have the technology to tunnel 300 yards underneath one of the world's most militarised and monitored border without being noticed.

The reward for all this effort was to allow an excuse israel to smash up gaza. Not something Palestinian humans would have wanted.

paul said...

Had a look at a gardening site, they say a cubic metre of soil weighs 1.25 tons.If the tunnel was 300 yards, then if it was say a square metre wide, that's about 400 tons of soil to get rid of under the noses of the IDF.

I don't know what alien tech can do therefore they might well have the capability to perform this task

The Antagonist said...

Oh, come on, Paul, don't you know abut the Deep Underground Military Bases (DUMBS) where the aliens travel around, underground, at Mach 2.7 on tube shuttles?

The tube shuttle travels at mach 2.7. Most signs at the Dulce facility are in the alien symbol language and a universal system understood by humans and ET’s. Thomas said the other shuttle connections from Dulce went to Page Arizona, Area 51 Nevada, Taos Carlsbad, Datil New Mexico, Colorado Springs and Creede Colorado.

400 tonnes of soil is fuck all to move with sort of technology at your disposal, as is transparently and blatantly obvious to anyone who reads James Cockbolt's detailed article (also available in PDF format for additional 'authenticity').

sub-terrestrial said...

Tunnels! OMG I've read about these:

There are at least 1400 of these D.U.M.B.S worldwide. 131 in the US. With 2 underground bases being built per year in the US at the moment. The average depth of the bases are four and a quarter miles underground ( some shallower and some deeper ). The bases are on average the size a medium sized city. Each DUMB base costs between 17 and 26 billion dollars to build which is funded by MI6/CIA drug money. Each underground base employs 10000 to 18000 workers. A nuclear powered drill it used to dig underground. This drill goes through rock at a tremendous rate and literally melts the rock away to form a smooth glass like surface around the edges of the tunnels.....there is a vast number of tube shuttle connections under the United States which extend into a global system of tunnels to other underground bases in other countries.

It's true really cos he's an ex-MI6 agent so must know what he's talking about. Really, it's true I tell you.

sub-terrestrial said...

Antagonist I must be tele-pathetic!

paul said...

Now I'm pretty ready to beleive just about anything, but does mr cocknut offer any proof of this stuff, like the location of the front door?

The Antagonist said...

Christ alive, man! Isn't it enough that he's written about it, thereby giving it all the veracity it needs?

paul said...

The new york sun made no mention of these nuclear drills. Left me with the impression it was done by sheer force of evil

Probably just an oversight.

The Antagonist said...

"Israeli trackers said they found his [Shalit's] blood-stained bulletproof vest close to the Gaza perimeter fence."

Doesn't say much for the bulletproofness of Shalit's bulletproof vest, does it? Maybe it was flogged to them by the Brits?

Then again, they don't say whether it was Corporal Gilad Shalit's blood, or some left over from the blood-drinking ceremony the night before.

conspiraloonacy said...

Nothing exists that's as powerful as the sheer force of terrerist evil don't you know - them evil doers know a thing or two. I hear they read about it in Jihadi manuals and have copies on hard drives and the like.

paul said...

So, according to mr cocknut, there's about 20 million people in these caves.
Fuck me.
You live and learn, eh?

Anonymous said...

I would just like to say following spaceling comment @ 01 June 2007 17:53, that this is an examlple of 'always on' technology.

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