Checkpoint Charlie

"It was really strange"

the trim, muscular member of the defence force recounted

"I explained to him that it wasn't necessary, but he insisted!"

"He turned his back, assumed the position and dropped his trousers in front of us all! Throughout the procedure, despite the occasional whimper, he kept saying how it made him feel wanted."

He paused to remove his soiled and bloody surgical glove.

"Afterwards he apologised for that journalist we had to sort out the other week and thanked us for all the help with operation kratos. We thought that was that, but the mouth breathing cunt just wouldn't go. He offered us an unsold copy of 'Courage' and 'Britain's Everyday Heroes'*. His suitcase was full of them. Enough to crush a gazan house, already! Sensing our unease, he pointed out there was no mention of palestinians in them. They looked a bit boring, but he was so so pitiful, we took them anyway. "

"Then it just got worse...he started blathering on about his dad....How they had watched terrorist super 8 films together as father and son.... About how much the scotch had in common with the chosen people... no written constitution, nuclear weapons, unruly natives, threatened by iran etc... As he droned on, I really began to wonder if Eretz Yisrael needed 'friends' like this...I mean, the money, weapons and political cover are handy, but why do they have to act so chummy? Doesn't he have any friends of his own? It's just fucking embarrassing sometimes."

"We finally packed him off by explaining our torture and harassment targets that day. He said he fully understood how important it was to hit targets...

"but only if they're over 12!"

...We all had a laugh at that...Then, thank yahweh, he finally fucked off to give his fund raising speech to the Knesset."

"Funny little chap....I don't think we'll be seeing him around here again".

*A book about private equity managers, non domicile tax dodgers and war criminals