Tuesday, 26 February 2008

Sleeper Cell or Dozy Bastards?

A terrorist instructor who called himself Osama bin London has been convicted, along with three of his followers, of organising al-Qaida style training camps across Britain!!
Great Britain's melons are safe once again from this curiously named fellow. The article states:

he verdicts were returned last Wednesday but were under a reporting restriction until today.
These restrictions were lifted for a short while, for some baffling reason, during chief plod Lionel Blair's (above) strange premonitions about the need to lock up people he didn't like, for as long as he liked.

Only the most ungenerous of us would say these two things were coordinated. But as I am as mean spirited as the next conspiranoid, I strongly suspect they were.

After Lionel's attempt to bounce the debate foundered, the restrictions were reimposed. Perhaps it was to spare the public any reports of the defense case. More likely it had something to do with the extremely poor quality of the 'terrorists' dredged up here. During the five month trial,( the culmination of a two year investigation):
"The jury heard no evidence of weapons or explosives"
So they had five fucking months of:
"prosecution relied on MI5 surveillance tapes and recordings made by an undercover police officer who penetrated the London-based jihadist cell."
i.e A load of idiots talking shit and arseing about to absolutely no effect. In the whole two years they were being watched, they didn't manage to get together:
  • Any weapons
  • Any money
  • Any 'chilling' plans for 'unimaginable carnage'
  • Any deadly explosives
Strangely, these covert cartoon characters:
  • Agree to appear on television*
  • Get paid for appearing on television*
  • Tell glamorous reporter Nasreen Suleaman about their 21/7 pals*
Nasreen (above - with wonky eye) who specialises in stitching up muslims terroristic matters was strangely uninterested when Mr London said he knew the identities of the 21/7 nonabombers.
She said:

“I don’t think it’s my obligation to tell another adult that he should go to the police.”

Hardly what you expect from elite BBC journalists. Then again you wouldn't expect her to hand over £300 sterling of precious licence payers money to these rascals.

But Nasreen is no ordinary journalist. She seems to have focused solely on muslim bad boys and her workrate resembles jd salinger on ketamine. This, at least, leaves her plenty of time to hang out at the Foreign and Commonwealth Office. The Antagonist gives these matters a far more rigorous shoeing here.

Anyway, our scarecrows did manage to:
  • Leopard crawl
  • Ghost walk
  • Carry sticks
  • Callously chop up melons - and eat them!!!
  • Throw imaginary grenades
  • Make themselves as conspicuous as possible
  • Compile plenty of material to show these antics across a variety of media
  • Allow in an undercover agent (oops!)
All these things are very useful for urban terrorism, I'm sure. Probably in all those internet terror manuals people get banged up for life over (apart from letting the informant in).

They might have been better off craftily enrolling in the Marva Program.
It's primarily organised around killing palestinians, but the principles are just as useful to canny jihadis.
The benefits are obvious:
  • free haircut
  • proper uniforms
  • Meet people who actually bomb and kill the innocent
  • Get to use real guns
  • Absolutely zero chance of getting nicked

"healthy fun for youngsters"

On the bright side, if these lads are as incompetent as they seem, perhaps we could scale back the 'WarOnTerror', perhaps just to a few 'Specials'?

But dare we take that chance?!?!?!?!?

You decide, brothers and sisters!

*More on these stranger than fiction truths at J7


The Antagonist said...

What's supremely interesting about this case is that the BBC, at the behest of BBC journalist Nasreen Suleaman paid for the accused to go paintballing.

In fact she paid for Mr Hamid and fellow defendants Muhammad al-Figari and Mousa Brown to go on a paintballing trip at the Delta Force centre in Tonbridge, Kent, in February 2005 and Hamid was paid £300 to take part.

The men were filmed for a BBC documentary, Don't Panic I'm Islamic.

According to the Times:

"Ms Suleaman told the court that Mr Hamid was keen to appear in the programme. She said: “He was so up for it. We took the decision that paintballing would be a fun way of introducing him." She went on, "There are many, many British Muslims that I know who for the past 15 or 20 years have been going paintballing. It’s a harmless enough activity. I don’t think there is any suggestion, or ever has been, that it’s a terrorist training activity."

Important to note that Ms Suleaman bills paintballing as "fun" and "harmless" because, just a handful of months later, she had changed her tune somewhat.

Following 7th July 2005, Ms Suleaman -- a BBC journalist of 11 years, who seems to have done precious little reporting in those 11 years -- went on to make a Radio 4 'documentary' about the Mohammed Sidique Khan entitled Biography of a Bomber.

During the Radio 4 Koran & Country programme Suleaman described paintballing -- the thing that she and the BBC paid for Hamid & Co to do as, "for some, a guerilla warfare like activity."

The story gets even more interesting because, following the 21/7 no bombs bombers, Osama bin London contacted Suleaman and mentioned he knew a couple of the 21/7 accused. Suleaman said that she informed senior BBC managers but was not told to contact the police.

Well, nothing odd about that, perhaps, except for the fact that, in the case of the 21/7 no-bombs bombers, they, their wives, girlfriends, relatives and associates were all rounded up, locked up -- in much the opposite way that nobody was rounded up and locked up after 7/7 -- and many have since been charged with "withholding information and assisting an offender", amongst other things.

Armed with this information, one might be tempted to ask why Nasreen Suleaman and "senior BBC managers" aren't being charged with "withholding information and assisting an offender."

Furthermore if on 17th November 2005 Ms Suleaman claimed (as she did) in her Radio 4 'documentary' that paintballing is "for some, a guerilla warfare like activity" before then stating, under oath in December 2007, that paintballing is "harmless", "fun" and not "terrorist training activity", why isn't she also being done for perjury?

paul said...

I knew they'd appeared islamic panic, not about the payment.
The BBC stuff is very odd, almost funding terrorism if you chose to look at it in an uncharitable way.
In fact, everything is fucking weird, undercover terrorman gets in touch with the mass media and then brags about the nonabombers??

Maybe all that crack he took affected his judgement

paul said...

PS I'll add in some of these fascinating details

The Antagonist said...

Good man.

Just for the record, aside from doing the hatchet job on MSK, despite all the interviewees in the programme repeatedly contradicting her central premise for the programme, she also covered the curious tale of Zacarias Moussaoui, who fessed up to orchestrating every terror attack known to man, and a few that nobody had ever heard of.

11 years of journalism and she's covered 9/11 and 7/7. Nothing fishy about that, nor about this incredibly badly stage-managed MI6 news report for the BBC.

Probably best not to mention her working alongside the FCO either because, as William Ehrman, Director General (Defence & Intelligence) of the FCO said:

"Dealing with Islamist extremism, the messages are more complex, the constituencies we would aim at are more difficult to identify, and greater damage could be done to the overall effort if links back to UK or US sources were revealed."

paul said...

Updated with a lovely pic of our nazzer and links to the real deal

tom said...

This "supper club" shit was completely cooked up.

jon doy said...

i'd been saving this moniker, but hell, the bbc deserve it:

Gonzo Terrorism™™™

jon doy said...

not from wikipedia:

Gonzo Terrorism is a style of journoterrorism which is written subjectively, often including the reporter as part of the story via a first person narrative. The style tends to blend misrepresentative and fictional elements to emphasize an underlying message and engage the reader. The word Gonzo was first used in 1970 to describe an article by Hunter S. Thompson, who later popularized the style. The term has since been applied to other subjective artistic endeavours.

Gonzo Terrorism tends to favour style over accuracy and often uses personal experiences and emotions to provide context for the topic or event being covered. It is exemplified by the fabricated product favoured by newspaper and television media and strives for the gritty fantasy fear factor. Use of selective quotes, outright lies, exaggeration, and even racism is common. The use of Gonzo Terrorism portends that journalism is increasingly untruthful and without objectivity and is rarely if ever equivalent to reality.

jon doy said...

*note: Gonzo Terrorism also covers state sponsored terror such as that which the "security" services get up to

DAVE BONES said...

If ever there was a Gonzo terror cell it would be these lot.

paul said...

thanks for looking in dave, will be interested to see what you write about these melon hating maniacs

Bridget Dunne said...

I hope we all realise that 'Usama bin London' was a Conspiraloon™. According to Dave Bones:

"To address what Hamid said in court about his text message after 7/7. he explained that he sent the same message to a group list, even to people he had fallen out with, as he claimed had happened in the case of Muktar and Yassin.

He said that he was texting this in the firm belief that 7/7 was the work of MI-5 who wanted to instigate trouble for Muslims in this country, and that it was encouragement to stand firm in faith, not justification for terrorism."

Hamid also expressed Conspiraloon™ views on 9/11 in an interview on Don't Panic - I'm Islamic.

jon doy said...

and quite the likeable Conspiraloon™ the fellow came across as, too

paul said...

I thought the 'talley man' song situation dave recounted was genuinely touching myself

Gonzo Dog Oompah Band said...

Hey mister don't you chop up your melon
The Feds are filming you, and I'm telling
Why you must eat that fruit salad?
Sing calypso instead of ballad?

Work all night on a drink of tea
No thanks judge, said no rum for me

[i]Hey, he's a scape-goat
Come on chum, let the man go home[/i]

Hey mister editor, pick a fruity headline
Daylight come and he want more coke
Hey mister editor, which page are the melons on?
Read the papers it's the same old shite

paul said...

Catchy, and a potential hit!
To further its promotion,just sing it into the nearest flowerpot. Guaranteed front page news!