Conspiracy Nut Speaks Out at Sinister Gathering

Taking time out from clearing up the mess Hamas caused by being democratically elected, our former prime minister bravely trousered a large speaking fee to share his demented worldview.
In a wild tale, he spoke of dark forces ranged against western civilisation,revealing the conspiracy's bloody,beating heart to be a group known only as

'The Iranians!!!'.

The venue for this outpouring of hatred was the Al Smith Memorial Dinner, an event open to anyone who ponied up the nominal £500 fee.
Mr Smith is fondly remembered as a staunch member of the Liberty League, who patriotically schemed to overthrow Franklin Delano Roosevelt back in the thirties.
Cardinal Egan, a flamboyant dresser (who, if he wasn't celibate, would definitely not be gay), introduced the speaker , noting that Winston Churchill was the last British prime minister to kill iraqi civilians and talk at this event. The speech exhibited all the hallmarks of our middle east envoy's dark obsessions, and remained clinically detached from reality throughout.

"if you ever need a babysitter..."

A transcript has yet to be found by the Alliance Laboratories, but when we do, we'll translate it into english from the original rubbish. Meanwhile here's a few morsels:

"There is a tendency even now, even in some of our own circles, to believe that they are as they are because we have provoked them and if we left them alone they would leave us alone. I fear this is mistaken!!!"

As an accomplished performer, he knew he had to give the audience what it wanted:

"This ideology now has a state - Iran - that is prepared to back and finance terror in the pursuit of destabilising countries whose people live to wish in peace!!!"

and further warned against

"rising fascism!!!*"

Alarmingly, he displayed the confusion found normally in the senile, wandering off subject to say:

“Analogies especially with the rise of fascism can be misleading but, in pure chronology, I sometimes wonder if we’re not in the 1920s, if not the 1930s, I fear.”

His words, according to the cardinal, 'lifted hearts' amongst the audience.
Who will stand with those brave, lonely souls, whose only wish is to bring the peace of the smouldering, atomic grave to Iran's oppressed?
After this sobering speech, I know one man who will.

*he might be looking in the wong place