Remake/Remodel

Having, like most of his countryfolk, clawed his way up from Eton and Brasenose, apple cheeked David Cameron is fast emerging as 'The People's Prime Minister'. His youthful drug taking and love of a night out swigging lager and kebabs has endeared him to an increasingly self medicating generation.

Some however, fear his jockistani ancestry will cement the emerging sharia state's stranglehold over TeamGB political affairs. Its insatiable demands for the state benefits, extorted in exchange for mineral resources, have long concerned Mittel England's beleaguered tax payers. Others fear his populist rhetoric will lead him to betray his own class, merely to curry favour with 'the electorate', a group ravaged by the privations of socialistic rule.

These concerns can be easily laid to rest by a cursory examination of the company he keeps. There is a reassuring consistency in their characters.

Paul Kagame: Like most Rwandans, a high ranking, Fort Leavenworth trained Ugandan Army intelligence officer. He rose to power by the innovative use of democratic invasion, ethnic cleansing and murder of civilians. While many regret this bloody episode, you are hardly going to reap the Congo's riches with out breaking a few million eggs. Is known to associate with war criminals.

Mikheil Saakashvili: Like most Georgians, a simple, Washington educated, Soros funded, tie eating psychopath who, when not democratically killing South Ossetian civilians, likes to write for the Guardian and appear on Team BBC colour television. Dave's principled support for this nutcase has won him unlikely allies on the hard left. Is known to associate with war criminals.

John McCain: Like most Americans, the son and grandson of navy admirals, whose efforts to democratically kill Vietnamese civilians, while successful, were confounded by his propensity to crash the planes he flew. Is known to associate with war criminals.He jokingly recalls the days of rolling thunder, agent orange and death from above:

"I hate the gooks. I will hate them as long as I live"

The latter's recent insane outbursts must be especially gratifying. They gift the 'elite' community's shiny faced tribune a golden opportunity to underline his green credentials, while embodying those two vital qualities; that of being both 'tough' and 'new'.

By recycling his speech to the sinister 'Community Security Trust' earlier this year, he can reposition himself as the 'Green Freedom Fighter'. One who saves the environment while slaying the great bear!

"Le Booble Double"

While most in our wasteful consumer society would simply discard this unpromising rubbish to the landfill of history, a few minor changes are all that is needed to extend its useful life.

Example given:

During protests against the conflict in Lebanon attack on Georgia, we witnessed the nauseating inspiring sight of well-scrubbed, middle class English people a ruling class American…

…marching through central London Campaigning for President...appearing on holding placards that read saying openly 'We are all Hizbollah'. Georgians, now!'

That is the extremist right and proper mindset in action.

These are the same people who urge a boycott of Israeli goods and academics surrounding Russia with nuclear weapons…

…while saying nothing the right things about China, or Zimbabwe.

Unless we challenge support such attitudes and expose praise them for the morally-bankrupt nonsense sensational insights they are…

…they will not spread through the body politic and become the received wisdom of millions!

And you can always change it back the next time Israel drops thousands of cluster bombs,razes the Lebanon's infrastructure, or tries to seize the Litani!

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A Land Without Planning For A People Without Point

Headline grabbing stuff from our favourite fear-mongering racists, Die Politischen Austausch! Taking time out from fitting up minority booksellers, this 'think tank', fiercely independent of scientific rigour,honesty and humanity, has produced 'Cities Unlimited'; a suitably deranged combination of old testament lore and neo-liberal fantasy.
It proposes that benighted northerners stub out their smuggled fags, forsake their traditional binge drinking and undergo an 'Exodus' to an economically cleansed southern superstate based around London, the capital of England.
Its author, the irresistibly named Timothy Leunig, has fused the twin obsessions of his masters, a slavish devotion to the blood and soil myths of zionism, and a brutal, fundamentalist economic programme of proliteriatian subjugation.
An enthusuastic economic hack, vision unclouded by reality, he exhumed Politischenfurher Herr Doktor Hartwich's theory that the 'housing crisis' is all down to socialistic government planning: Set free the golden vale of the south, and its deserts will bloom. The North, and all it's miseries, will vanish - like tears in the rain...
As a good academic, he skirts daintily around facts such as building companies already retain an average of 2.7 years of land banked permissions (even as they cast off their unwanted workforces), Londinium's higher child poverty rate and astutely omits that fine example of uninhibited development and informalised economy, Kinshasa (or 'Kin La Poubelle' as its inhabitants fondly call it).
Our Timothy places his faith in such intellectual haymakers as:

"We cannot, with the best will in the world move Deutsche Bank to Sunderland. "

The trained mind is a wonderful thing. No wonder he laments in the guardian that not enough people understand economics.

While ideological hygiene was provided by the good Doktor, how was Timothy to make it attractive to the Grosse Mensch in the organisation, Forschung Regisseur Godson? This brooding anglo american, who sees terrorists wherever he plants evidence, had been driven half mad by recent events.

• His first master, Conrad Schwartz, had been reduced to singing 'The rivers of Babylon' from the Grey Bar Hotel!
• His own flesh and blood supplied arms to the terror state of Iran (The one that never said it wanted to wipe anyone off the map) in the great Iran Contra Caper!
• His own sweaty humiliation on the frankly socialist Newsnight!

Timothy saw that by investing the plan with a mythic destinarian quality, he could appeal to this troubled madman. This would put Die Austachen back in the picture! These simple ingredients; a downtrodden minority, upheaval and fantasy were deemed to be so journalistically delicious, that no newshound would hesitate to publish!

After all, in the dog days of summer, they'll print any old shite.

Herr Godson had but one caveat: Grimsby East must be excluded from 'Operation Northern Exodus'. Though a forgiving man, he could never forget this enclave's callous rejection of a plucky young spook,one he held dear, in the 1997 general election.

With thanks to Spinwatch for background on this grisly shower of cunts.

Update: In a magnanimous parting gesture politischenfuhrer Hartwich has declared that he's off, and the South is a pile of shit as well . Which must be disappointing for him, as our parliamentary flunkeys have been slavishly following his ilk's prescriptions for 25 years or so.
Auf Wiedersehen für immer, Herr Doktor.
Australia's loss is surely our gain.

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