Sunday, 7 December 2008

Make It Happen

Proving the predatory financial sector retains a sense of humour within its dying, twitching husk, I received this cheery note on my return from eurozone 1:

The Royal Bank of Scotland

Dear Mr NAME REDACTED,
Good Business Sense
As your Business Manager, I would like you to know that my team and I are here to support you and your business during the current econommic uncertainty. We can help you with a great deal of practical support on day to day matters like cash flow management as well as more strategic, long term advice.
I have enclosed an impartial guide from MoneySense for Business,RBS's financial capabilities initiative.Entitled 'Trading through the Economic Downturn' its aim is to help businesses understand how best to mange their finances given the current economic slowdown.
Given that my business manager will no doubt be a hair gelled,larval stage scrap of genetic landfill( squirming within a poorly cut suit his mother assured him he will grow into),whose advice will amount to peddling some worthless financial 'product', I was sorely tempted to tell them to go fuck themselves.
But then they already had*.





*After everybody else

7 comments:

Stef said...

Now with added reference to The Ponz - Heeeeeeeeey!!!

paul said...

Excellent addition

Stef said...

"It appears this weekend that the Birches stumbled upon a highly questionable practice in the debt collection branch of RBS in Telford, Shropshire, whereby new accounts and loans were systematically created without customers’ permission. In some cases, loan documents were even drawn up for the accounts.

According to RBS, these accounts were an internal book-keeping device and the debts were never meant to be collected or even divulged to the customers. It seems a strange accounting practice, and last week the bank was unable to explain its exact purpose..."

Stef said...

ROYAL Bank of Scotland has secretly changed customers’ accounts into personal loans with up to 80% interest, generating debts of as much as £100,000, an investigation has revealed..."

Stef said...

Carlo would have been proud of RBS. proud and, yes, a little bit humble

Bridget Dunne said...

Madoff faces securities fraud charge

Bernard Madoff, the founder of Bernard Madoff Investment Securities and a former chairman of the Nasdaq stock market, was on Thursday charged by federal prosecutors with a multibillion-dollar securities fraud.

Mr Madoff, 70, told employees that he estimated the losses from this fraud to be “at least approximately $50bn”, according to federal prosecutors. Mr Madoff’s firm had about $17bn in assets under management in January 2008, according to regulatory filings, and officials close to the investigation said they did not know whether the $50bn estimate was correct.

According to the criminal complaint, Mr Madoff told a Federal Bureau of Investigation agent on Thursday that there was “no innocent explanation” for his actions and said that he had personally traded and lost money for institutional clients.

He said that he “paid investors with money that wasn’t there”, that he was “broke” and “insolvent” and that he had decided that it “could not go on”, according to the complaint.

Mr Madoff, who was also charged separately by the US Securities and Exchange Commission, was accused of perpetrating a multibillion-dollar so-called “Ponzi” scheme on advisory clients of his firm since at least 2005.

The SEC complaint said that Mr Madoff, in his Manhattan apartment, informed senior employees on Wednesday that his investment advisory business was a fraud.

He told these employees that he was “finished”, that he had “absolutely nothing”, that “it’s all just one big lie”, and that it was “basically, a giant Ponzi scheme”.

Mr Madoff managed money on behalf of fund of hedge funds and wealthy individuals and any losses at his firm could be expected to ripple widely through the financial world, particularly in Europe.

Tremont Capital Management, a fund of hedge funds, has some exposure to Mr Madoff, people familiar with the matter said. Montieth Illingworth, a spokesman for Tremont, declined to comment.

The SEC, which had about 16 examiners on-site last night, said on Thursday that it was seeking emergency relief for investors, including an asset freeze, and the appointment of a receiver for the firm.

Calls to Dan Horwitz, his lawyer, were not immediately returned. He was quoted by Bloomberg as saying that Mr Madoff “is a longstanding leader in the financial services industry. We will fight to get through this unfortunate set of events. He’s a person of integrity”.

The Ponz said...

Heeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!