At his Conspiraloon™ Alliance™ initiation ceremony featuring arcane and ever-so-slightly occult procedures, all performed wearing aprons with silly logos, slippers, nooses, hoodwinks and a large floor fashioned in the chessboard style, our newest member and nuclear threat to the whole wide world proclaimed his views on what the highbrow and terribly clever broadsheet journalists all refer to as "getting fucked™ at the petrol pump".
"While the growth of consumption is lower than that of production and the market is full of oil, prices continue to rise and this situation is completely manipulated......hidden and unhidden hands are at work to control the prices mendaciously to pursue their political and economic aims."
members of the
Conspiraloon Alliance, Mahmoud
and Hugo at the Alliance Inititation Ceremony
(A.I.C.). Both hats appear slightly raised from the
initiates' heads. This is due to the A.I.C. tradition of wearing a small
skull from a deceased male member of the Bush Klan. The wearing of the
skull above the human head and below the hat is used to symbolise how
the capacity of humans is far greater
than that of the shape-shifting
space aliens that came
from Mars a long time
ago and created
David Irving was said to be "very pleased". Baroness Seething Nazi was even more pleased still.
At the end of the evening, Ahmadinejad received his first disciplinary warning from the Conspiraloon Counsel of Perfection after he uttered:
"[the goal of] powerful and international capitalists [is to keep the price of oil and energy] artificially high"
Following several hours waterboarding, water-skiing and paragliding at the Conspiraloon International Alliance HQ Marina, Mahmoud recanted, saying: "When I said international capitalists, I didn't mean to introduce any politics into Conspiraloonery. What I really meant is the shapeshifting, blood-drinking lizards from Mars and The Jews™."