Thursday 7 July 2011

Announcing our Environmental Excellence Awards


As we firmly approve of recycling, we are delighted to see the Daily Mail and America's Homeland Security Department working hand in hand to recycle their own trash.

Barely 16 months after releasing this shocking and chilling story they have bravely repeated themselves by releasing this equally chilling and shocking story.

The Security Community has made great strides in this time, back in january 2010 they explained:

Experts said bombers would be surgically cut open, the explosive PETN (Pentaerythritol Tetranitrate) would then be placed in a plastic sachet inside his or her body before the wound was stitched up like a normal operation incision and treated to heal.

A shaped charge of 8oz of PETN can penetrate five inches of armour and would easily blow a large hole in an airliner.

The explosives would be detonated by the bomber using a hypodermic syringe to inject TATP (Triacetone Triperoxide) through their skin into the explosives sachet – a method which has created a serious fear that the body-bombers could pretend to be diabetics injecting themselves in order to prevent anyone stopping their suicide missions.

While now they say:

Experts said the explosive PETN (Pentaerythritol Tetranitrate) would be placed in a plastic sachet inside the bomber’s body before the wound was stitched up like a normal operation incision and allowed to heal.

A shaped charge of 8oz of PETN can penetrate five inches of armour and would easily blow a large hole in an airliner.

Security sources said the explosives would be detonated by the bomber using a hypodermic syringe to inject TATP (Triacetone Triperoxide) through their skin into the explosives sachet.

While not being a explosives expert, this does seem like a total and utter pile of shit to me.

As it did all those months ago.

This is, of course, fair enough as the assasination of Al Quaeda mastermind Osama Bin Laden has no doubt increased the willingness of people to have bombs surgically implanted by at least 10,000%.

As the number of these bombers found in the last year and half equals zero, then we can confidently expect exactly zero in the period until this story is reissued.

Well done Security Community!

5 comments:

gyg3s said...

Don't limit yourself to security when passing out these awards. We need to thank the UK gov who, on behalf of the EU, has given us permission to exhale some carbon dioxide for nothing!!!!

See, The Climate Change Act 2008 (Credit Limit) Order 2011 and The Carbon Budget Order 2011.

Note - these people wouldn't be such dickheads as to charge us for using oxygen like in Total Recall; instead, we're being given the right to produce carbon dioxide for FREE. Of course, this generosity cannot last forever.

paul said...

If they can just change the climate by an act of parliament, what's all the fuss aabout?

gyg3s said...

^ if they could they wouldn't do that or the excuse for the wealth transfer mechanism would disappear.

paul said...

Suddenly it all makes sense.....

The Antagonist said...

The earth is a very delicately balanced ecosystem so it's wonderful news that the media and security types have taken to recycling even the most toxic garbage they produce.