Sunday, 19 December 2010

Saturday, 18 December 2010

First Earth Battalion now operational in Central America!!

Colombia army gives Farc rebels early Christmas gift

"The Colombian army says it has installed a giant Christmas tree in Farc rebel territory, to encourage guerrilla fighters to demobilize.

Special forces infiltrated the remote ♫Macarena♫ mountain range to dress a 25m (82ft) high tree with 2,000 lights.

Movement sensors will make the tree light up when guerrillas approach.

The army says it will put up trees in nine other rebel-held zones to spread the message that Christmas is a good time to abandon armed struggle.

The Colombian government says more than 2,000 guerrillas demobilized this year under a scheme that gives them amnesty and help to return to civilian life.

"Operation Christmas," as it was code named, was carried out by elite troops using Blackhawk helicopters.

(Arist's Impression)

The Christmas tree was installed near a rebel supply route in the region where the Farc military leader, Mono Jojoy, was killed in a large-scale military assault in September.

As well as lights, it was decorated with slogans saying "Demobilize, at Christmas everything is possible" and "If Christmas can come to the jungle, you can come home".

The leftist Farc rebel group has suffered severe setbacks in recent years, with several of its top commanders killed.

Thousands of guerrillas have been captured or killed or have deserted rebel ranks.

But it still has thousands of fighters and remains a powerful force in some rural areas."

This is how we'll win!!


Friday, 17 December 2010


..or may be not?

40 years old and fresh as a daisy.

What's this got to do with conspiracy culture, you might ask? Well it turns out that amongst their most careful listeners were found in the COINTEL programme. This was officially terminated in 1971.


Driving me nuts, bolts, screws
I got the blues from paying dues
for programmed news of honeycoated lies
Your eyes cant believe
That weave the Devil's magic with the latest gadget
from the Mean Machine

A'running the Same Game with Another Name

Down to your brain, blowing your mind
Stealing your time, smooth and slick
with the latest trick to get rich quick
from nonsense at your mind's expense
as your mind digs the scene
from the Mean Machine
designed to drive your brain insane

Loudspeakers blasting inside your head
saying what someone else said
for you to do what they want you to
No. Go. Fast. Slow.

Getting you high off the latest lie
Telling you when, where, how and why
as your mind digs the scene
from the Mean Machine,

A'running the Same Game with Another Name

Factories of insanity playing on your vanity
as they distort your sense of self
Telling you what you need and how to succeed
as they steal all of your wealth

Probing your mind, trying to find
how to scheme on you best
From programmed schools with Devilish rules
putting you to the test

Death dealing devices sold at high prices
designed with you in mind to buy
as they kill you slow and some of y'all don't even know
y'all paying the Machine to die

Mechanized lies dressed up in disguise
in forms of various kinds
Treachery and deceit the people must defeat
in the battle for free men's minds

For complete domination is the goal of this nation
of all free thinking thought
and those who oppose will be killed by their foes
the flunkies whose souls have been bought

Transplants to revive the living dead
replacing the truth with lies instead

Newspapers, radios, TVs
spreading lies across seven seas
Robot men with computers for brains
Space ships, cars, trains and planes
All calculated to blow your mind

Moving faster than your sense of time
Living luxuriously soft while the people slave hard
For the Devil would have you believe he is God

Chemical drugs that keep you high
while the Mean Machine creates another lie
for power and glory and world wide fame
while Running the Same Game with Another Name

It's the computer's equation for world wide invasion
that comes in the name of peace and goodwill
But all of them are lying as they keep on trying
to set the people up for the kill

Population control of the people with soul
all over the planet Earth.
Manipulating their will with a tiny white pill
to control their natural birth

Behind the scene schemes furthering the Mean Machine's dreams
of conquest and world domination
from the farthest depths of the universe
to the smallest earthly nation

Radar, Sonar, Laser beams!
Jets, Tanks, Submarines!
Megathons, H-Bombs, Napalm, Gas!
All this shit will kill you fast

All products of the Mean Machine
The Devil disguised as a human being

And he will even preach that God is dead
And some of y'all will believe what the Devil has said

And he will then act as the world's police
And the sun will rise up in the West
and set down in the East

And when it came time for the end...
And when it came time for the end...
And when it came time for the end...

The men will look like the women
and the women like the men

And some will dance in a hypnotic trance
like as if they have no care
But these will be signs of the changing times
that the end is drawing near

For it was prophesized many centuries past
that the end will come in a fiery holocaust
and only the righteous people will survive the blast
and the Devil's machine will bring about his own end

and peace, love and joy will reign once again

and man will understand man
and man will understand man
and man will understand man
and man will understand man
and man will understand man
and man will understand man
and live in harmony and peace

and the sun will once again
rise up in the East

Thursday, 16 December 2010

Peter Power, a former senior Metropolitan Police officer, explains this is no easy job

Look into my bollocks

Mysterious idiot savant Peter Power was hauled into the tricknological heart of mainstream propoganda to give his valueless hapenceworth on the punishing of the palsied.

Quite why a thoroughly undistinguished dorset ex-policeman (whose sad departure from that force remains shrouded in mystery) was chosen eludes us all.

Perhaps there is only a small group of people to choose from.

Perhaps they keep him, and others, in the vast, underground caves beneath the sinister, and clearly feminised, "Television Centre".

As they used to say on saturday afternoons of fond memory, here are the results:
The protesters are young, fit and intelligent and the officers are desperately trying to allow them to protest because they have a genuine right, he says.
So the fuzz were batoning their gifted betters towards parliament?
Every officer has to be accountable for his or her actions but it is unclear at which point a line is crossed, says Mr Power.
So it`s left to the busy, stressed, frontline armoured individual to ponder these fine lines?

The linked article is chock full of this sort of bollocks, so I will restrict the selection to mr powers most crazed. Of course, like julian assange`s 3 million afghan `war logs`, all good citizens should scrutinise the original to their own individual satisfaction.
"Now they all start off looking like Dixon of Dock Green, without helmets and shields, but can quickly go to Darth Vader,"
Likening our beloved bobbies to the ruthless agent of an ancient, intergalactic imperium is perhaps giving the game away too easily. Loose tongues cost lives, Peter.

undercover policeman
They (...horses....) work alongside lines of officers in fluorescent jackets having tennis balls hurled at them, in preparation for missiles as hard as bricks. Only the most passive horses are selected for the work.
It`s telling how even these subsistence level draught animals have to be filtered for signs of dissent before they are considered 'fit for purpose'.
What they do with the nags that don't fit in
Mr Power adds that horses only ever walk, never charge, into a crowd, and are considered a passive tactic - more user-friendly than baton rounds (plastic bullets) or tear gas.
Who are these 'users' they are trying to be so fucking friendly with?

I would like to make it that while I am extremely critical of the use of the police force for base political motives, they would be the first ones I would run to if I was the victim of a crime.

Because, easy or not, that is their fucking job.


Wednesday, 15 December 2010

It's only subliminal if you don't notice

'tis the season to be jolly.

Mirth and merriment and all Mohammed al Fayed wants for Christmas is a new electrician.

Tuesday, 14 December 2010

Rap has certainly changed since I was a lad

Connecting the dots, no matter the distance

Get acclimatised

There was a suggestion you were rolling towards the police in your wheelchair

"Were you throwing anything at the police?"

Complaints here
Benjamin Brown should be sacked for concentrating the interview on making a victim of both police violence and cerebral palsy justify his innocence.

Benjamin spent the whole interview positing possible reasons, none of which had any basis in record, why the police might have been justified in dragging a man out of a wheelchair and across a road.

Please tell Benjamin, there aren`t any.

Asking someone who has explained he does not have the full use of his arms whether he had thrown anything at the police is the most craven, crassest moment of tv I have ever seen.
Ben Brown, what a fucking wanker.

Update: Jody attempts to bring real politics to the State Broadcasting Corporation

"I hope, just as I was unseated from my wheelchair, I hope that every member of this government is unseated" - Jody McIntyre, Hero of the People

Truth Contra Gosling

Documentary filmmaker Tom Secker, creator of the film 7/7: Seeds of Deconstruction has launched a new documentary about his experiences in the world of 7.6 BILLION REALTRUTHSEEKERS™*:

Video short on my experience of professional conspiracy theorist Tony Gosling, and looking into his public statements on the 7/7 London Bombings, Operation Gladio, the Bilderberg Group and so on. A brief study in the dangers of misinformation.

There is a 7.6 Billion chance that this video is brought to you by F.A.T.G.I.T.


* [Ed's note: 7/7: Seeds of Deconstruction is, by Conspiraloon™ Alliance™ standards of EVIDENCE™ and PROOF™, far too FACT™-based™. It is therefore completely useless to the cause and quest for real CONSPIRATOLOGICAL™ Christian Messiah-loving versions of anything that might be considered TRUTH™. As we all know, REAL™ TRUTH™ is just made up on the spot 7.6 billion times out of 100.]

Monday, 13 December 2010

Woo Woo!

♫The preacher man says it’s the end of time...♫

"I live back in the woods, you see
A woman and the kids, and the dogs and me
I got a shotgun, rifle and a 4-wheel drive
And a country boy can survive
Country folks can survive

I can plow a field all day long
I can catch catfish from dusk till dawn
We make our own whiskey and our own smoke too
Ain’t too many things these ole boys can’t do
We grow good ole tomatoes and homemade wine
And a country boy can survive
Country folks can survive

Because you can’t starve us out
And you cant makes us run
Cuz we're them old boys raised on shotgun
And we say grace and we say Ma’am
And if you ain’t into that we don’t give a damn"


This is a Wikileaks video

Sunday, 12 December 2010

And now, a word from one of our sponsors...


Are you suspicious of people on those other conspiracy sites telling you to BUY gold at all time HIGH prices?

Why not harness the power of 'Conspiraloon Contrarian Investment Technology
' and start SELLING gold at all time LOW prices?

(NB 5 seconds of thought and 15 seconds of research have established that the above letter is a spoof. However, the author was clearly acting as an unknowing agent of a Higher Power and the fact that it is a forgery detracts in no way from its reliability as documentary evidence suitable for inclusion in the Alliance's next Truth video)


Friday, 10 December 2010

CONSPIRACY ALERT: Michael Flatley is REALLY from Chi Cago

Move over Max Kaiser, there's a new kid on the block.

As credible sounding as this man is, caution is recommended.

Three days of intensive research by the hive mind at Conspiraloon Twin Towers has found no evidence of any attempts by this man to sell water purifiers, post-apocalyptic survival contingency systems, nor even an infallible legal defense that works only inside your own mind.

He also seems to have made no references to aliens, Jews, lizards, shape-shifters, Elvis, or messiahs, which immediately casts further doubt on the true nature of the man and his intent.

In fact we have been unable to locate any form of sugary-syrupy tripe to smooth the path of the bitter pill he gives you for free.

This indicates satanic Jewish Marxist intent, as stated in the King of the John Hill of Frank Herbert's Dune Which Did Feature Sting in the Movie version of the official BIBLE :

Kevin 7:7 Bewareth he that seek not to profit from thy knowing, lest ye contribute nothing to the divine act of the upwards circulation of metal'd yellow He did proclaim as gold.
Andrew 9:11 Bewareth he that conjureth not up the daemon Jew, lest ye become poisoned by real truths that shall not be true from your position of the opposite of love. He, The King, ELVIS, doth live in eternity, or he would have done had not the Jew done kill'd him.

Mainstream Conspiraloons #590 - Geraldo

Thursday, 9 December 2010

The Conspiraloon's Cookbook p.47 - The Hallelujah Sandwich

I've just noticed the following comment underneath a blog post which tears into
J(ew)7 for being a bunch of Zionist Shills, with all their blatantly Talmudic, fact-based, One Tru Messiah unfriendly, ways...

"Anonymous said...

Great article! It's about time someone exposed those so called 'truthseekers' who just do boring facty stuff.

If you're going to rip government lies apart its very important that you fill in all the blanks with stuff you just made up. Otherwise you're just shilling. The quicker truthseekers here on earth realise this the better.

As G*d is our judge, for he doth shine the light in all the nooks and crannies of the darkness of Satan.

Peace be with you, in you and all around you.

Amen all truth-seeking brothers."

I would, of course, love to share the link to the original article with my fellow Loons but only after the author comes to the full realisation that's Conspiraloon meat he's chewing on, between a couple of slices of fluffy half-baked Hallelujah

and, remember, you can never consider yourself a
True Loon until you've been accused of being a Zionist
shill by one bunch and Anti-Semitic by the other


Edit: And here's the original post. Caution, raw Truth™ when presented in these concentrations can become a highly hazardous substance and should only be consumed under the supervision of a suitably qualified professional

Saturday, 4 December 2010

Alex Jones talks Hezbollah and colostomy bags

Still smarting from the savage pwning he received at the hands of Max Keiser a few weeks back, AJ has been licking his wounds and biding his time for his sequel to 'everyone knows the Arabs own Hollywood!!'

And here it is, proof, if it were needed, that Alex is still at the top of his Game...


Because there's a war on for your nads