Shit yourself!!!

Forget Chicken Licken and the sky that was falling in; that wasn't, now something to really make you shit your pants!

Forget global warming and forget global cooling (both now congealed into the all inclusive catch-all "climate change" because nobody really knows what the fuck is going on and the pay for liars is very good indeed).

Scienticians have announced that The Earth is to be royally fucked up good and proper by the God of War and / or Goddess of Love in the shape(s) of (a) big planet thing(s) in the VERY NEAR FUTURE!***

What a collision between Earth and Venus might look like.
Look at the poor ants.
(Artist now working on mock-up of what the earth might
look like if it became part of the contents of a giant tube of
fluoride filled toothpaste, something which also *could* happen.)

Sources tonight advised that the potential variations in planetary orbits of Mars and Venus are probably due to the combined efforts of marrow-chilling, spine-curdling Osama bin Laden, alien lizards and the government, the holy trinity of triumviracy who, as everyone knows, are the THREE MAJOR POWERS in the whole of modern society in the whole of the world, and beyond. At least since Elvis died.

The font of all knowledge, the one true messiah of all the millions and millions who also think they're messiahs, David Shayler claims that junk science has now proved the universe is shape-changing and that the process is well underway and on course for something spectacular just before his birthday in 2012.

The Conspiraloon Alliance remain confident of our abilities to halt the dastardly march of the ruling alien classes, but have determined that stopping Venus and Mars in their tracks might prove a challenge too far for the junior chemistry set, even with the recent additions of black pepper, chapati flour and powdered masala spice.

Here's the public information film from the BBC. Watch closely as they present a story that isn't entirely stupid and pointless to an audience that it presumes is very clever indeed and all of above average intelligence. Definitely worth 142.50****** of anyone's money, even if it wasn't demanded with menaces.



*** Don't forget to carefully check the sell-by / use-by / consume-by date on those tins of beans when you stock up, JUST 3.3 BILLION YEARS TO GO until the day all the fucking planets go bang.
***** Italian Lira.