A terrorist instructor who called himself Osama bin London has been convicted, along with three of his followers, of organising al-Qaida style training camps across Britain!!
Great Britain's melons are safe once again from this curiously named fellow. The article states:
he verdicts were returned last Wednesday but were under a reporting restriction until today.These restrictions were lifted for a short while, for some baffling reason, during chief plod Lionel Blair's (above) strange premonitions about the need to lock up people he didn't like, for as long as he liked.
Only the most ungenerous of us would say these two things were coordinated. But as I am as mean spirited as the next conspiranoid, I strongly suspect they were.
After Lionel's attempt to bounce the debate foundered, the restrictions were reimposed. Perhaps it was to spare the public any reports of the defense case. More likely it had something to do with the extremely poor quality of the 'terrorists' dredged up here. During the five month trial,( the culmination of a two year investigation):
"The jury heard no evidence of weapons or explosives"So they had five fucking months of:
"prosecution relied on MI5 surveillance tapes and recordings made by an undercover police officer who penetrated the London-based jihadist cell."i.e A load of idiots talking shit and arseing about to absolutely no effect. In the whole two years they were being watched, they didn't manage to get together:
- Any weapons
- Any money
- Any 'chilling' plans for 'unimaginable carnage'
- Any deadly explosives
- Agree to appear on television*
- Get paid for appearing on television*
- Tell glamorous reporter Nasreen Suleaman about their 21/7 pals*
“I don’t think it’s my obligation to tell another adult that he should go to the police.”
Hardly what you expect from elite BBC journalists. Then again you wouldn't expect her to hand over £300 sterling of precious licence payers money to these rascals.
But Nasreen is no ordinary journalist. She seems to have focused solely on muslim bad boys and her workrate resembles jd salinger on ketamine. This, at least, leaves her plenty of time to hang out at the Foreign and Commonwealth Office. The Antagonist gives these matters a far more rigorous shoeing here.
Anyway, our scarecrows did manage to:
- Leopard crawl
- Ghost walk
- Carry sticks
- Callously chop up melons - and eat them!!!
- Throw imaginary grenades
- Make themselves as conspicuous as possible
- Compile plenty of material to show these antics across a variety of media
- Allow in an undercover agent (oops!)
They might have been better off craftily enrolling in the Marva Program.
It's primarily organised around killing palestinians, but the principles are just as useful to canny jihadis.
The benefits are obvious:
- free haircut
- proper uniforms
- Meet people who actually bomb and kill the innocent
- Get to use real guns
- Absolutely zero chance of getting nicked
On the bright side, if these lads are as incompetent as they seem, perhaps we could scale back the 'WarOnTerror', perhaps just to a few 'Specials'?
But dare we take that chance?!?!?!?!?
You decide, brothers and sisters!
*More on these stranger than fiction truths at J7