Wednesday, 13 August 2008

A Land Without Planning For A People Without Point

Headline grabbing stuff from our favourite fear-mongering racists, Die Politischen Austausch! Taking time out from fitting up minority booksellers, this 'think tank', fiercely independent of scientific rigour,honesty and humanity, has produced 'Cities Unlimited'; a suitably deranged combination of old testament lore and neo-liberal fantasy.
It proposes that benighted northerners stub out their smuggled fags, forsake their traditional binge drinking and undergo an 'Exodus' to an economically cleansed southern superstate based around London, the capital of England.
Its author, the irresistibly named Timothy Leunig, has fused the twin obsessions of his masters, a slavish devotion to the blood and soil myths of zionism, and a brutal, fundamentalist economic programme of proliteriatian subjugation.
An enthusuastic economic hack, vision unclouded by reality, he exhumed Politischenfurher Herr Doktor Hartwich's theory that the 'housing crisis' is all down to socialistic government planning: Set free the golden vale of the south, and its deserts will bloom. The North, and all it's miseries, will vanish - like tears in the rain...
As a good academic, he skirts daintily around facts such as building companies already retain an average of 2.7 years of land banked permissions (even as they cast off their unwanted workforces), Londinium's higher child poverty rate and astutely omits that fine example of uninhibited development and informalised economy, Kinshasa (or 'Kin La Poubelle' as its inhabitants fondly call it).
Our Timothy places his faith in such intellectual haymakers as:

"We cannot, with the best will in the world move Deutsche Bank to Sunderland. "
The trained mind is a wonderful thing. No wonder he laments in the guardian that not enough people understand economics.

While ideological hygiene was provided by the good Doktor, how was Timothy to make it attractive to the Grosse Mensch in the organisation, Forschung Regisseur Godson? This brooding anglo american, who sees terrorists wherever he plants evidence, had been driven half mad by recent events.
  • His first master, Conrad Schwartz, had been reduced to singing 'The rivers of Babylon' from the Grey Bar Hotel!
  • His own flesh and blood supplied arms to the terror state of Iran (The one that never said it wanted to wipe anyone off the map) in the great Iran Contra Caper!
  • His own sweaty humiliation on the frankly socialist Newsnight!
Timothy saw that by investing the plan with a mythic destinarian quality, he could appeal to this troubled madman. This would put Die Austachen back in the picture! These simple ingredients; a downtrodden minority, upheaval and fantasy were deemed to be so journalistically delicious, that no newshound would hesitate to publish!

After all, in the dog days of summer, they'll print any old shite.

Herr Godson had but one caveat: Grimsby East must be excluded from 'Operation Northern Exodus'. Though a forgiving man, he could never forget this enclave's callous rejection of a plucky young spook,one he held dear, in the 1997 general election.

With thanks to Spinwatch for background on this grisly shower of cunts.

Update: In a magnanimous parting gesture politischenfuhrer Hartwich has declared that he's off, and the South is a pile of shit as well . Which must be disappointing for him, as our parliamentary flunkeys have been slavishly following his ilk's prescriptions for 25 years or so.
Auf Wiedersehen für immer, Herr Doktor.
Australia's loss is surely our gain.

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