Thursday, 26 June 2008

Think of the children

Clean skin mini-pops in action

From the guardian:

Video clips of al-Qaida-inspired terrorists beheading people have been found on the mobile phone of a 12-year-old boy, a senior police officer revealed yesterday.

The footage was found by teachers who reported the child, who is white, to police after he sent clips to his classmates.

The discovery was revealed yesterday to show how children of all religions could be attracted to al-Qaida. West Yorkshire's chief constable, Sir Norman Bettison, said terrorist propaganda was spreading like a virus, and warned that every Muslim child in Britain could be at risk.

He raised the example of the 12-year-old during a speech at the Association of Chief Police Officers annual conference in Liverpool. The boy has been referred to a project to divert people from extremism before they turn violent. His parents are not Muslim.

Bettison said: "The white child we are working with has been downloading jihadist beheading videos ... He is not a Muslim. He is not driven by ideology - he is too young to spell the word. But he is being influenced and intoxicated by the imagery and appeal of jihadist ... violence."

Bettison is running a programme to divert those flirting with violence from carrying out terrorist acts. He told his fellow chief officers: "The AQ [al-Qaida] brand of violent extremism continues to spread like a virus infecting young minds."

The 12-year-old, known as BC, is being assessed by the Channel Project. Three police forces are piloting the scheme to try to build links with communities and gather details about possible extremists.

(How about starting with the the fucking BNP Community?)

Two other cases highlighted by Bettison were of Muslim youths, known as NH and YH, who were reported by their communities because they showed extremist tendencies.

what could I possibly add?

Wednesday, 25 June 2008

Exciting new magazine launch!!


Clean Skin

A great but unheralded triumph in the war on terror has just come to our attention. Strangely enough, this does not seem to have made much of a splash. A triumph of normal, everyday policing, it demonstrates our guardians' comforting efficiency.

The low profile of the Martyn Gilleard case is not it's only unusual aspect:
Actual explosives found!
Gun powder, fuses, 4 nail bombs hidden under his son's bed (Social Services and The Health and Safety Executive will be over him like a ton of bricks for that). Not some fucking bag of fertiliser or bottle of Tang!
Actual weapons found!
Live bullets, swords, axes, knives and a bayonet
No prolonged (and painstaking,hazardous etc etc) surveillance!
The local plod were investigating his enthusiasm for child pornography (39,000 images apparently)
No dramatic TV friendly demonstrations of what he could have done with his arsenal!
Of course, our colour televisioneers could have dragged their arses down to the news library and shown what fellow BNP psychopath David John Copeland did with similar materials in Soho back in 1999.
No use of the words: chilling, shocking, unimaginable and carnage!
Again, admirable restraint from our newshounds. Perhaps they're saving them up for the various now you see them, now you don't, terror trials currently ongoing.
No penetrating analysis from free-wheeling Frankie Gardner!
Just our luck he was stuck in the garage all day.
No undercover operatives!
Obviously one of those clean skinheads to our Secret Services. Ranting about blowing up mosques on fascist chat rooms is just normal english eccentricity. It's not like we're living in some kind of police state where they listen to everyone's every word.
Brought swiftly to trial and conviction!
Arrested in Dundee November 2007, banged up June 2008. Amazing what you can do with some actual evidence.
Surprisingly light sentence!
11 years in one of her majesty's cushy holiday camps. This is probably because the judge considered him a 'lone wolf', despite the British People's Party saying "We will give him our full support whether or not he is convicted of the alleged charges" and describing him as "a loyal and trusted comrade". Pretty light compared to Dhiren Barot's 40 years to life for scribbling moronic, unworkable plans in a notebook.

All in all, the modesty of our protectors and informers surrounding this case, is a mystery beyond understanding.

Tuesday, 24 June 2008

Fly me to the moon

Following an astounding scientific breakthrough in our labs the Conspiraloon Alliance Laboratories have announced plans to go to the moon. At first sight, not that impressive a feat because the AmIRAQans pretended to go there almost half a century ago. But the Alliance plans to land on the moon involve getting there on anti-gravity alone. The anti-gravity function will work on little more than a communist-like common purpose sharing of our collective tinfoil hats, terrorist batteries and a bit of loose change. The Alliance plan to establish a moon-sized tin-foil observatory tent on the moon in time to take dramatic pictures of Universe changing shape from a new perspective, with a simple camera obscura.

This universe will change shape on December 21st 2012, just in time for the southern cross cruciFICTION christmas.

Only weeks ago the Conspiraloon Alliance obtained nuclear capabilities that, frankly, scares the pants off us all when Mahmoud Ahmadinejad joined the alliance after his comments about shadowy, possibly reptilian, hands artificially inflating oil prices.

In just a few weeks of playing with Mahmoud's phones and iPods playing anti-mind control monotone German techno, and stuff, wearing our protective radiation and mind-control proof tin foil caps, Conspiraloon Alliance Laboratory (Scotland) Inc. scientists noticed that they were starting to get high.

One day as the chief scientist, L.Ron De Ron Ron von Cupboard, was sorting out change for the coffee machine he took a call on his mobile from Moudy who called to ask if we wanted anything from the shops. Seconds later De Ron Ron von Cupboard was higher than all the other scientists, floating as he was eight feet above the coffee machine.

Several hours later, after analysing all the parameters involved in De Ron Ron von Cupboard's getting so high , Alliance Laboratory Scientists conducted preliminary anti-gravity lunar module launch tests.

These were the results.

Tinfoil hat wearing isn't quite so stupid after all.

Thursday, 12 June 2008

Conspiraloon Alliance Logo of the Month

Is it a cult? Is it a church? Is it a U.F.O. (Unidentified Faith Organisation)?

Can you guess what it is yet?

Say what you like about the Cult of Scientology, but don't ever suggest that their logo is comprised of two pyramids interlocked by a serpent.

MPs to demonstrate 42 days not so bad after all

In an unprecedented move to reassure the public that six weeks internment on the basis of no good reason that can be demonstrated is the right thing to do, a cross-party coalition featuring all serving MPs has agreed to spend 42 days and nights in 8' x 4' windowless cells. The coalition of MPs have renamed and re-branded themselves as Military Prisoners for the duration of the stunt in honour of the monarchic fascist regime for which they are puppets and which introduced six weeks internment.

The MPs have agreed to be arrested at the points of several sub-machine guns in dramatic 4:30am dawn raids. The guns and small arms such as harmless 50,000 volt ticklers tasers will be wielded by at least one State marksman who has killed before, either by design or by accident. Mock state broadcasts will be aired as part of the overnight coverage from the Big Brother house. Newsreaders will pretend to become actors for the day and will announce shocking headlines via TV, radio, free daily newspapers and the Internet. An insider supplied the alliance with the notes from the made-up news brainstorming. Headlines include:

  • "Police get tough on real terrorists"
  • "The Revolution Happened and the Filthy Bastards are all Locked Up"
  • "Dodgy Donors Investigation: FUCK ME THEY'RE ALL AT IT"

The raids will require the deployment of the entire British Police Force in around 650 coordinated raids on a date unknown to the Military Prisoners or their mistresses and call girls.

A spokesman for the Home Office, who asked not to be named said, "What's the fuss about? 42 days is less than two Februaries and February is the shortest month of the year." When pressed the spokesman added, "February always flies by so two Februaries in quick succession would fly by too. Only half as quickly, I suppose." Jaqui later described in detail a fabulous pair of Manolo Blahniks she found dumpster diving for stray Qhat in Notting Hill while under the influence of the killer munchies killer drug Super Skunk.

Keith Vaz, leader of the Military Prisoners and happy to talk to anyone about why everyone that isn't him should be locked up, even though there are probably plenty of better reasons to lock him up, said: "If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear." He added, "Look at us, for example. As MPs we've not hidden that many of us are by word and deed priapic Lothario war criminals and corporate shills on the payrolls of the highest bidders and we're as free as you like. Examplars of freedom." Keith was still talking long after everyone had gone away.

Keith Baz, a minicab driver and the only bastard to answer our questions, said: "Support your government. Everything they do, they do it for you. Or at least, with you, or at least some of you, in mind. Douglas Adams said 42 was the answer and he was alright. I think."

Nation Building

News to shock and chill the miserable inhabitants of Jockistan!!
Some young rascals were on the point of creating a secret 'mini-shariah state' beneath their very kilts!

A mere two years after being lifted for the crime of having a few dodgy books,videos and talking shit while the plod was listening, the trial proceedings revealed the b o m b s h e l l that plans had progressed as far as discussing it on an 'Internet Chat Room'!

It is deeply ironic that these these techno mediaevalists (or 'media-evilists!' as the cruelly over-rated mr amis might cacophonically neologise) selected the birth place of the enlightenment to base their dastardly jihad. Their choice was clearly well thought out, as the denizens of the north are usually too busy spending English benefit handouts on drink, heroin or la-di-da arts festivals to notice an enemy within.

Is there any hope they might emerge from their alcoholic, smoke wreathed stupor long enough to ponder this:

Without the fatherland's protection, could the wretched, revenue draining scotch ever defend themselves against this three strong army??
Surely a powerful argument against their immature, non-kosovo style yearning for independence!

The chief joke-hadi/ringleader/mastermind put it thus:
"A group of Muslims can go to a remote place and set up a mini Sharia state and they can rule according to Sharia law, like this and stay there, building them up and their children up, preparing for fitness, and then launching jihad once they strengthen themselves."
The Scotsman reports:
The only drawback Aabid Khan allegedly identified was the availability of weapons.
Clearly they weren't going to set up in Glasgow.

Tuesday, 10 June 2008

Monday, 9 June 2008

Introducing the Conspiraloon Alliance's newest sponsor

Now with added Truthons™!!

The Conspiraloon™ Alliance is proud to announce that it has adopted Bovril as its Official™ beef tea accompaniment for all Conspiraloon™ activism up to and including 2012

  • First they abduct them

  • Then they mutilate them
  • Then they puree them
  • Then they add hot water

For anyone not familiar with the fascinating history of Bovril...

"the first part of the product's name comes from Latin bos (genitive bovis) meaning "ox" or "cow". The -vril comes from Bulwer-Lytton's once-popular 1870 "lost race" novel, The Coming Race (also reprinted as Vril: The Power of the Coming Race), in which a subterranean humanoid race have mental control over, and devastating powers from, an energy fluid named "Vril"."

It's yummy and it's in my tummy

Part of the blueprints of a Nazi-designed Bovril powered spacecraft which have been suppressed for over 60 years


Friday, 6 June 2008

La Conspiration Mondial

Fellow English-speaking Loons

One of the downsides of waging relentless INFOWAR against the owned mainstream media is that, after all while, Our message of Truth™, as beautiful as it is, can start to sound just a little bit repetitive

So, why not consider spicing up your everyday Truthlife a little and try a bit of French every now and then

Video Illuminati (La Conspiration Mondial)!!


Thursday, 5 June 2008

Conspiraloon Alliance gains nuclear capabilities

One Loonar year old and the Conspiraloon Alliance™ are pleased, proud and chuffed as chuffed things could be, to welcome in to the Alliance fold the ultimate in Holocaust denying Conspiranoid mentallists.

At his Conspiraloon Alliance™ initiation ceremony featuring arcane and ever-so-slightly occult procedures, all performed wearing aprons with silly logos, slippers, nooses, hoodwinks and a large floor fashioned in the chessboard style, our newest member and nuclear threat to the whole wide world proclaimed his views on what the highbrow and terribly clever broadsheet journalists all refer to as "getting fucked™ at the petrol pump".
"While the growth of consumption is lower than that of production and the market is full of oil, prices continue to rise and this situation is completely manipulated...

...hidden and unhidden hands are at work to control the prices mendaciously to pursue their political and economic aims."

Welcome to the Conspiraloon Alliance,

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad!!!!

oiled paid up
members of the
Conspiraloon Alliance, Mahmoud
and Hugo at the Alliance Inititation Ceremony
(A.I.C.). Both hats appear slightly raised from the
initiates' heads. This is due to the A.I.C. tradition of wearing a small
skull from a deceased male member of the Bush Klan. The wearing of the
skull above the human head and below the hat is used to symbolise how
the capacity of humans is far greater
than that of the shape-shifting
space aliens that came
from Mars a long time
ago and created
humans from

David Irving was said to be "very pleased". Baroness Seething Nazi was even more pleased still.

At the end of the evening, Ahmadinejad received his first disciplinary warning from the Conspiraloon Counsel of Perfection after he uttered:

"[the goal of] powerful and international capitalists [is to keep the price of oil and energy] artificially high"

Following several hours waterboarding, water-skiing and paragliding at the Conspiraloon International Alliance HQ Marina, Mahmoud recanted, saying: "When I said international capitalists, I didn't mean to introduce any politics into Conspiraloonery. What I really meant is the shapeshifting, blood-drinking lizards from Mars and The Jews."