Wednesday, 30 April 2008

An important message from the Grand Master


I have been asked to pass on an important announcement from our branch representative on the Conspiraloon
High Council.

It reads...




Kameraden,


I bring you sad tidings

You will all, of course, be aware that the Conspiraloon
movement has been struck by a series of mortal blows in recent days, including:

  • Exposure of our secret network of invisible nazi cannibal child molestation animal cruelty race HATE forums

  • Revelations that we hold extreme right wing beliefs so EVIL that we do not express them publicly, or amongst ourselves, or even think about them

  • Publication of testimony by the world's leading scienticians which conclusively PROVES that mistrust of the establishment is an UNDENIABLE form of mental illness

  • The SHOCKING news that the State Broadcasting Company is producing a television program which will ridicule us for saying NAUGHTY things about the State. This is in spite of the fact that we were extremely polite when we told the BBC to go fuck itself several months ago

The result has been an almost total shutdown of Conspiraloon
operations across the globe and almost certainly an end to the occupation of Iraq, the neutralisation of terrorism as a threat to the British way of life and the demise of finance capital as a force for evil

Alliance members are understandably demoralized and despondent


At this point in time it is clear to me that only one course of action is open to us


We must start insulting each other publicly and brutally, pausing only to heap fulsome praise on the most demented comments made by anonymous contributors, and we must do it NOW!!


My fellow Loons, The thread is open...


ttfn,

The Secret Grand Master
xxx



recently declassified CCTV footage of a detachment of Conspiraloon™ Stormtroopers on the receiving end of a right old pwning from heroic True™ Truth™ Seekers


.

128 comments:

The Antagonist said...

You Conspiraloons, you're all spacca mentallist cunts!

jon doy said...

I think you're all COINTELPRO shills, in fact, i've been studying you all for three years now and my CIA FAKE loons list is near completion

featuring one hundred and something CIA FAKE websites

you'll ALL be exposed

HAHAHA

jon doy said...

sorry, that should read CIA FAKES trademark

The Antagonist said...

I'm wearing my SuperLoonalicious tinfoil hat and now I believe every word spouted by the government and its propagandists because I've been told I live in a liberal democracy.

What more proof do you need than word of mouth?

jon doy said...

i've already begun airing our dirty laundry via a series of unnecessarily broadly cc'd emails requesting that people vote for me to take over the running of this site in order that the truth about how the holocaust was really a scheme of free kibbutz working holidays can be revealed, also same's link to crop circles

David Shayler The Messiah said...

Anyone want to buy a 9/11 forum?

Anonymous said...

HA! HA! HA! conspiraloons are worse than paedophiles.

At least paedos don't question that everything's fine and accidental with the world.

Spackers.

jon doy said...

that's such a convincing argument, anonymous

Bargain Bin Laden said...

PLEASE BUY MY BOOK THAT ISN'T A WORK OF FICTION!!

Anonymous said...

wot? no links to important factual sites like CockWatch?

StannahStairWatch said...

Spackers in disarray!

Risible Complacancy said...

YEAH!

Back of the net!

Bargin Bin Laden said...

Gets its own thread as the other one was a monster.

The Antagonist said...

Well said Anonymous!!

Brilliant point.

Back of the net!!!

etc etc

jon doy said...

pwned twats on the run!

Ghoulish Hyena said...

Mwahahahahahahaha.

Now, where to shit?

CockWatch said...

wot a bunch of internally squabbling cunts.

you couldn't make it up!

but you could certainly 'accidentally' conflate all manner of shit together in a superb show of clarity and fair play.

Quarsole said...

Conspiraloonery deleted.

Conspiraloonery deleted.

Conspiraloonery deleted.

Conspiraloonery deleted.

Conspiraloonery deleted.

Conspiraloonery deleted.

ogreish coyote said...

sorry Ghoulish, this grave's taken and i've curled off a fecking beauty on it

look at it shine

7/7 troofseeker said...

I'm meeeeeeellllting!!!!

David Shayler The Messiah said...

Anyone want to buy a 9/11 forum?

We'll even throw in some shapeshifting admins.

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure where I stand on this. I actually think that *edited for conspiraloonery* from a balanced perspective?

I can see *edited for conspiraloonery* sides.

Toffee Muppet said...

What is research?

Anonymous said...

David, it's a buyer's market mate, throw in some Nazi memorabilia and you may do better?

Sock Puppet said...

Any work going?

jon doy said...

@toffee muppet

here you go

foot mitten said...

gizza job
guon
gizza!

David Shayler The Messiah said...

David, it's a buyer's market mate, throw in some Nazi memorabilia and you may do better?

Anyone want to buy a 9/11 forum?

With my messianic powers I can probably nab a few bits of Nazi memorabilia from Lemmy's collection.

French and Leman said...

Here we see scientific proof of our bullshit theory in action.

You can see now why people who don't believe proven liars are all completely mental.

jon doy said...

i don't trust any of you any more, but then i feel alienated from society, if not from aliens

Grateful Pwn said...

Paranoia, and internal squabbling! Who'da thunk it?

Anonymous said...

Ooh! Back o' the net, AGAIN!

Conspiraloon Implosion said...

Muppets!

The Antagonist said...

Oh my poor aching sides.

Who's got the cyanide pills?

Gender Mender said...

I had nothing to do with any of the copious and irrelevant material coincidentally becoming available to the BBC in time for them to make balanced and appropriate use of it, but I'm gloatful it happened.

Nick Kollerstrom said...

And it was just a stupid mistake that I cut and pasted a lot of debunked Nazi apologism, and that this has come to be highlighted at this time.

Sarcastic Stochastic said...

See, loons?

It's all just stochasticity at work!

The Antagonist said...

I'm still wearing my SuperLoonalicious tinfoil hat and all I see are coincidences.

Anonymous said...

YEAH! Don't so PARANOID you fucking LOONS!

Dad's work socks said...

Hunt and kill the unbelievers!

Mum's tights said...

Bash their eyes out.

The Antagonist said...

Well said anonymous! Brilliant!!

Witch Hunter General said...

You should all be burnt at the stake!

Infernal Lurcher said...

Pass the toilet roll someone.

Liberal Conspiracist said...

scratch a liberal and you find an authoritarian.

and a fascist cunt

jon doy said...

here you go Infernal

/passes toilet roll and begins pissing in church font

The Antagonist said...

Is the church font the one with curly letters?

jon doy said...

not sure, a lot of undead dingos seem to have shat all over the carvings

William Quilliam said...

Why doesn't anyone remember I told Muslims to unite and overthrow the British imperialists and then got done for treason after being framed by the British imperialists' cunning use of a prostitute.

Undead Dingo said...

If only I hadn't eaten all that chocolate, sugar free gum, fast food and eight bags of olestra chips I could've waited 'til I got home.

Happy Slapper said...

Do you wanna be in my gang my gang my gang d'ya wanna be in my gang?

'Cos if not I'll set my dogs on you.

jon doy said...

Hole in one!

Camp Davide said...

Shhhh! I'm a secret Conspiraloon but don't tell the BlairWitchWatch.

Anonymous said...

Great stuff!

Who can we destroy now the "conspiraloon alliance" is devastated beyond repair?

Anonymous said...

Actually, I too am a closet loon, and to be honest I feel like a bit of a cunt.

Anonymous said...

So was Anne Frank, but she refused to come out of the closet.

Footwatch said...

"beyond repair"?

I'm not holding my breath!

Anonymous said...

loony, loonyboi, loongurl loonybin, the loon, the loony, the loonyboi, looney boy, loony boi, loon, loonacy, loonacy, loonastic, loonalicious, loonology, loonar, loonasticide, loonbattery, fruitloon, fruitlooniness, loonbats, loonbattery, fruitloop, loonapalooza, fruitloopery

did i miss any?

Anonymous said...

Ad Hominem attacks are often leveled at conspiracy theorists to label them as paranoid, delusional, extremist, hyperbolic or mentally incompetent. In the case of academics, attempts will be made to undermine their credibility by labeling them as incompetent, unprofessional, or lacking objectivity, or by publicising issues of their lives or beliefs that are unrelated to the theories they propose.

Anonymous said...

looncicle, loonpwn, loonloon, loonoodle, loonid, loonlid, louisloon

Illiberal Conspiracy said...

Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time.

Anonymous said...

No it's not you fucking loonspud!

97% cotton 2%viscose sock said...

So, if one person is implicated as being in some way something that we don't collectively like, then we can collectively punish an entire group, as long as we can find some way to infer or insinuate a connection between that person and the larger group?


Sounds reasonable.

Anonymous said...

Hey twat, you're missing 1% of yourself, which is probably why you're such an idiotic cunt.

I need to speak to you in person as soon as possible.

Or failing that, correct you by phone.

Anonymous said...

...Or were you in fact not being sarcastic, cotton/viscose sock?

Sorry, misunderstanding there, carry on!

/ mutters something about 'own goals'

paul said...

A whopping 65 comments!
<moved, sheds a little tear at the emergence of widespread conspiraloonery as major new power>

WingNut said...

Are you in a cunt? Take the test.

Stef said...

@mr viscose

yes, collective punishment is definitely the way to go

does anyone have a suitable ratio in mind?

200 to 1 seems like a reasonable starting point

Mia Hamm said...

Somewhere behind the athlete you've become and the hours of practice and the coaches who have pushed you is a little girl who fell in love with the game and never looked back... play for her.

Anonymous said...

Winners don't wait for chances, they take them

Jeremy H said...

Pain is only temporary but victory is forever.

Vince Lombardi said...

Winning means you're willing to go longer, work harder, and give more than anyone else.

Andy Roddick said...

At one point in your life you either have the thing you want or the reasons why you don't

Anonymous said...

There is no glory in practice, but without practice, there is no glory...

Michael Jordan said...

Love is playing every game as if it's your last.

Anson Dorrance said...

The vision of a champion is someone who is bent over, drenched in sweat, at the point of exhaustion when no one else is watching

Alan P said...

Get out of my cheese!

Kenneth Wolstenholme said...

They think it's all over...It is NOW!

David Beckham said...

We want Brooklyn to be christened but we don't know into what religion yet

Stephen O'Donnell said...

The ref [Alan Freeland] asked me the most stupid question ever: 'Have you been booked already?' I don't know what he was expecting me to say but I said 'no'.

Goran Ivanisevic said...

I heard that he [Tony Mowbray] is young, fresh and the other West Brom fans are excited. Me too. Now we are going to kick some ass!

Alan Shearer said...

We haven't been scoring goals, but football's not just about scoring goals. It's about winning.

John Hollins said...

A contract on a piece of paper, saying you want to leave, is like a piece of paper saying you want to leave.

Vinny Jones said...

Winning doesn't really matter as long as you win.

WE PWN YOU said...

pwny pwny pwn pwn!

OMG you loons are so utterly pwned!

Back

Of

The

Net

!!!

jon doy said...

nice one WE PWN YOU !

top stuff :)

not long now until the thread deletions !

The Gloater said...

Excuse me, but you twats don't seem to be in disarray at all.

Just WTF!? is going on here?

/goes looking for signs of big time unravelling

Anonymous said...

Shut up gloater or you'll make other people notice it too.

Don't make me phone you. :(

Nobby Nobonymous said...

More collective punishment methinks.

Really, I am confused - if there's unravelling going among all 9/11 and 7/7 "loons", why hasn't The July Seventh Truth Campaign 'unravelled'?

Is this some confession to viewing J7T as not being loons?

Only there seems to be a lack of direct mention of them, and their 'unravelling', just a lot of attempted discombobulation and fudging going on to smudge all who you see as opposing you into one homogeneous mass - and that does seem a bit McCarthyist.

Certainly, internecine squabbling betwixt certain 911 truthlings has been ongoing now since around 12th September 2001, but lumping absolutely everyone and anyone who doesn't see things your way in together then gloating about having vicariously scored one over on them all makes you look like a school playground twit, and that's me being polite.

To be honest I doubt your motives some days.

Perhaps you just got caught up in childishness?

Those football metaphors speak volumes IMHO.

How anonymously DARE you? said...

HOW FUCKING DARE YOU?

Admins! emergency deletion please, the person above is being anti-Semitic and accusing me of being a Nazi!

How anonymously DARE you? said...

Nobby Nobonymous I need to speak to you in person NOW!

Only, once I can speak to you in person I can explain everything and although you might afterwards claim I'm a bit in your face you'll have a different, more correct point of view. Whether you like it or not!

The Gloater said...

/still looking

paul said...

92 comments!
<bursts into tears like gerry mccann when he found out he'd lost his wallet>

jon doy said...

93 now !

Back of the net !

The Gloater said...

/nothing yet

Stef said...

one suspects that noble and selfless guardians of Truth True are trying to demonstrate that they are not absolutist, humourless cunts by attempting to employ a non-absolutist, non humourless style

not that easy when you're an absolutist, humourless cunt

The Gloater said...

It's no good, I can't find anything to support the conspiraloons are fucked theory certain anonymous types are espousing that it's all over.

But I'd wager good money there's going to be a very bad day for conspiraloons soon!

Spacker mentaloids, making up words like "conspiracy", a thing that has never, ever, ever happened even once in history or the present, or even in school playgrounds.

Heh! 'conspired', what's that meant to mean, anyway?

Only criminals conspire, the state that accuses those criminals of conspiring never conspires itself, and even if the state did conspire even one time, it's not criminal when they do it!

Not that they do. Ever.

No no no.

The Gloater said...

And another thing: Conspiraloons use previous conspiracies as evidence that conspiracies occur, in an attempt to add weight to theories that conspiracies may be occurring today - a 'they've got form' sort of an argument.

Only the state is allowed to do that when they accuse criminals of conspiracy to commit crimes!

You Spackers.

Mentaloids!

jon doy said...

^ yes, well done ! brilliant !

Anonymous said...

From: International Cartel of Financial Illuminati
To: Secret Grand Master Conspiraloon Collective

You are a girl.

Best Regards,
Dave

Anonymous said...

confessions of an economic titman

$ = boobies

paul said...

101 comments!
<bursts into tears again like gerry mccann when he realised he'd never see his wallet again....forever!!!!/>

cypher aka WingNut said...

don't you loons want to get plugged back in, you know as someone important, say as a hedge fund manager? OK then, just click your heels together three times and say after me, "I believe the BBC" with each click. See you there, banana daiquiris alround then.

The Antagonist said...

Stef said...

yes, collective punishment is definitely the way to go

does anyone have a suitable ratio in mind?

200 to 1 seems like a reasonable starting point


2100 to 1 has a nice ring to it.

The Antagonist said...

cypher aka WingNut said...

don't you loons want to get plugged back in, you know as someone important, say as a hedge fund manager?


I was a hedge fund manager once.

Unfortunately monies didn't come flooding in as anticipated and we ended up instead with a small shrub.

WingNut said...

I hope you wee'd on it.

Milk, two sugars said...

It's my teabreak!

Yay!

Milk, two sugars said...

You're all mentally disturbed SPACKERS!

Milk, two sugars said...

Bunch of infiltrated/not infiltrated misogynistic spacktards!

Milk, two sugars said...

COINTELPROLOONS!

Anonymous said...

Another tea time scoop for the Fascist porn witch hunting cabal.

Satanic Spaniel said...

Oh man I really have to take a crap, is there any consecrated ground or preferably a war memorial or grave nearby?

Milk, two sugars said...

Sorry, I meant to call you all self hating misogynist female SPACKTARDS!

Johnny De Void said...

The internet is a bearpit as anyone whose stepped into the ring knows. I’ve had everything up to and including threats of violence for some of the things I’ve published, but it’s my choice to publish and other’s right to criticise, satirise and take the piss

OK THEN!!!

Wraithish Whippet said...

@Satanic Spaniel: There's plenty of un-shat-on graves over there, just follow your nose

Apparitious Airedale said...

WOOOOOOOOOOO squat.

Kurt Georg Kiesinger said...

Don't say girl; it's gurl

You dribbling fucking spacktards.

FantaMentallist said...

Pushing 40 but if it keeps the boy dogs salivating, GURL it is.

Milk, two sugars said...

Teabreak again!

YIPPIEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Milk, two sugars said...

SPACKY SPACKY SPACKY SPACKY SPACKY SPACKY SPACKY SPACKRONS!

SO WHAT? SO OPERATION GLADIO WAS RUN BY NAZIS AND BLAMED ON LEFTIES?

SO FUKING WHAT?

THAT'D NEVER HAPPEN TODAY, OR ANYTHING REMOTELY LIKE IT!

SPACKY SPACKY SPACKY SPACKY SPACKY...

Anon-non-non-non-Anon-non-non said...

Awesome post, MTS!! :)

Tania Head said...

Let me tell you a story

Nosey Pig Ferret Cat said...

Oooooooooooh, back of the net.

Is it like MY story which is all about ME.

Embassy No1 said...

I just sneaked out for a quick ciggie!

WHIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Loopy loopy loopy mentards!

Silk Cut said...

PHEW! Bipolarloons!

Self Hating Chauvinist Misandrist said...

Geld the Ghoulish Hyenas NOW!

Or failing that, hunt and kill them!

Anon-non-non-non-Anon-non-non said...

Terrific point, Chauvinist Misandrist!

Capital!

First Rate!

jon doy said...

yes, absolutely tiptop and champion stuff there, Self Hating Chauvinist Misandrist

:)