Wednesday, 19 December 2007

A message from Klaatu



I am leaving soon and you'll forgive me if I speak bluntly.

The universe grows smaller every day and the threat of aggression by any group anywhere can no longer be tolerated. There must be security for all or no one is secure. Now this does not mean giving up any freedom, except the freedom to act irresponsibly. Your ancestors knew this when they made laws to govern themselves and hired policemen to enforce them. We, of the other planets, have long accepted this principle. We have an organization for the mutual protection of all planets and for the complete elimination of aggression. The test of any such higher authority is, of course, the police force that supports it. For our policemen we created a race of robots. Their function is to patrol the planets in spaceships like this one and preserve the peace. In matters of aggression we have given them absolute power over us. This power cannot be revoked. At the first signs of violence they act automatically against the aggressor. The penalty forprovoking their action is too terrible to risk. The result is we live in peace without arms or armies, secure in theknowledge that we are free from aggression and war, free to pursue more profitable enterprises. Now, we do not pretend to have achieved perfection, but we do have a system, and it works. I came here to give you these facts. It is no concern of ours how you run your own planet, but if you threaten to extend your violence, this Earth of yours will be reduced to a burned-out cinder.




Your choice is simple: join us and live in peace, or pursue your present course and face obliteration. We shall be waiting for your answer. The decision rests with you.


and PS Why the fuck aren't I in your Messiah™ Trumps pack?


(Klaatu is currently working on his new truth video which will blow the lid off high-level Welsh involvement in the 9/11 attacks. Cash donations to help complete this important work sent to his Zeta-Reticulan registered PO Box WILL guarantee your personal salvation)

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11 comments:

Tom said...

Don't Do Nothing™, Do Something™:
http://www.globalorgasm.org/
Welcome to the 2nd annual Global Orgasm for Peace
...
This year we are synchronising with the actual time of the solstice.

WHEN? Solstice Day, December 22, at 06:08 Universal Time (GMT)

WHY? To effect positive change in the energy field of the Earth through input of the largest possible instantaneous surge of human biological, mental and spiritual energy.

jon doy said...

excellent info there, Tom

if there's one thing that'll end war, famine, and defeat the NWO, it's hand love (formerly wanking, but i thought wanking was too rude, so i deleted it)

The Antagonist said...

Iraqis, Afghanis and various other poor bastards are getting fucked every day by the coalition of the killing.

Do you think they'll make the day of the "death of the sun" in the bit of the sky where the Southern Cross can then be seen for three days a special occasion?

Brits and Yanks have been in Afghanistan for six years now and instead of Afghanistan exporting raw opium, it's now banging out high quality heroin in larger quantities than ever before.

There is, of course, no connection between the continued presence of U-SUK forces in Afghanistan and the record profit-busting levels of heroin production. No, siree.

And just as soon as we figure out how those damned Afghanis are doing this under the watch of the military industrial complex, we'll put an end to it. Oh, yes....

The Antagonist said...

Fuck me, that's all a bit serious for a Conspiraloon blog. I should probably qualify the above by saying the pan-dimensional, shape-shifting space aliens did it. There, that's better. It means nothing now.

paul said...

klaatu nikto barada

Tom said...

If only the soldiers would follow the example of self-love it might lead to peace. You're off-message with the heroin story though according to the army's 2006 figures:

Soldiers testing positive for cocaine: 769

Soldiers testing positive for heroin: 1

remarkable statistics
http://tinyurl.com/39lrd4

The Tory MP Patrick Mercer, a former army officer, said the increased availability in society and improved testing accounted for some of the rise but so did the additional strain placed on soldiers. He said: "In the Army of my day operational tours come round say every two years, now they are going round every year. Whilst we came back with one or two dead and couple of wounded, as we saw from the [2nd Battalion, The Mercian Regiment] service the other day, they suffered nine dead and 50 wounded. This puts a stress and strain on people. They will alleviate that strain through the use of relaxants, whether alcohol, abhorrent behaviour or use of drugs. We need to recognise that there is tension relief going on and drugs are being used.

We can only guess how Patrick Mercer chooses to relax.

Tom said...

But it's probably something abhorrent.

Stef said...

I sniffed the contents of my Zippo once when I ran out of beer

that was pretty abhorent

Tom said...

The adventures of a symbolist on Ayahuasca:

All of a sudden I stamped my right foot down and the snakes head popped up as in pain, dropping its tail at the same time. Without thinking I put my arms around the neck of the snake just like Tarzan having a pop at a crocodile would. I wrapped my legs around it too like I was going to hump it. The snake then vomited and a red assed baboon came out of the yellow snakes mouth, all wrapped in goo like a new born baby is. The baboon was holding a large eye with the pupil shaped as a number three or a letter m on its side. The baboon took one look at me and started to run towards the beach. I dropped the snake and ran after the baboon. Its red arse was glowing very brightly like a neon sign saying ‘kick me’.
.....
(PS Sorry my article on unions in the UK has been slightly delayed)


http://tinyurl.com/23gr2v

The Antagonist said...

Tom said...

You're off-message with the heroin story though according to the army's 2006 figures:

Soldiers testing positive for cocaine: 769

Soldiers testing positive for heroin: 1


The comment was in relation to Afghanistan's exports, rather than the recreational activities of the States' hired killers.

Tom said...

There is, of course, no connection between the continued presence of U-SUK forces in Afghanistan and the record profit-busting levels of heroin production. No, siree.

It's very important to keep this as a mantra. Any obvious connection is pure coinci-spiracy. The greatest minds in the media haven't put two and two together, so who are we to dispute it?

I suspect the "recreational habits" have been skewed to stop "army" and "heroin" appearing in the same sentence. One rotten poppy in the barrel? Seems unlikely to me.