Thursday, 11 October 2007

The Full English vs The Full Muslim

As our brave lads on the Solent have pointed out:

"Whilst it is almost impossible to say with any certainty what a terrorist might look like, an individual’s activity or behaviour can become suspicious in the context of the location they are in. "
The latest terror trial has already given us vital pointers to these wily characters. You can be fairly sure you're dealing with one if they meet these scientific benchmarks:
  • Assumed name: Treat with caution anyone who introduces themselves as 'Osama bin London' as they may not be all they seem
  • Menacing behaviour: If they make veiled threats such as 'I've got a bomb and I'm going to blow you all up', you might well have one of these radical rascals on your hands.
  • Bad company: Often surrounded by shady characters, 'Mr Hamid's home was bugged by the security services and an undercover police officer penetrated the group's activities'
  • Inexplicable activity: Watch out for bizarre child like behaviour '...seen to adopt positions from which they fired imaginary weapons and pretended to remove the pin from grenades before throwing them...'
  • Strange Diet: The real giveaway is cultural. If they talk about this:
When you're talking about this:

"not even a breakfast for me"

It is almost certain
something's not quite right.

I feel, in my very marrow, that further vital information is to be gleaned from these proceedings. We are gaining an insight into a terrifying world but, as they say at the end of crimewatch:

"You are far more likely to be sexually molested by someone known to you, than a victim of terror."

Keep your eyes peeled, brothers and sisters!!

9 comments:

Stef said...

Coincidentally, this post dovetails nicely with the 'Help Stop the Islamification of Europe and win a curry!!' sponsorship deal I'm trying to put together for the SIOE march later in the month

paul said...

Now that's what I call SYNERGY

paul said...

An even greater synergy was the lifting of reporting on this rather ridiculous affair to coincide with the jcdm proceedings and lionel's bid for 90 days (he'll settle for 45 this time)

The Antagonist said...

Why bother with all this Conspiraloonery™ stuff when the Daily Mail publish -- and then promptly remove -- such fantastic and incredible stories such as this:

21/7 terrorist recruiter 'practiced beheading with melons'
Daily Mail - UK
Last updated at 18:14pm on 11th October 2007

The leader of a gang of trainee terrorists practiced beheading on melons at his terrorist camp in he New Forest, a UK court has heard.


The disappeared article features the following gem which deserves a little light shone upon it:

A clip from a video taken on a mobile phone at a training camp showed a close up of a melon being quickly cut in half with a knife as others shouted encouragement.

David Farrell QC, prosecuting, said: "What is that meant to symbolise?"


Er, a melon being quickly cut in half with a knife?

When cunts who dress up like Fly Agaric mushrooms with perhaps not a clue why begin to start talking about what things symbolise, you know things are pretty fucking dire.

paul said...

I presume that melons will now enter the category of 'things likely to help bad guys'

paul said...

Why bother with all this Conspiraloonery™ stuff

Indeed, it's hard to keep up.

Stef said...

"A clip from a video taken on a mobile phone at a training camp showed a close up of a melon being quickly cut in half with a knife as others shouted encouragement"

eg

'Hurry up I'm hungry'

'It's a shame Parma Ham isn't Halal'

'Did anyone bring the cherries'

'Where's my dessert'

'Oooh, I could murder a melon'

etc etc

Stef said...

"You are far more likely to be sexually molested by someone known to you, than a victim of terror."

is that a promise?

paul said...

is that a promise?
Its better than that, it's a scientific fact!