Saturday, 27 October 2007

Conspiraloon™ Weekend Telescreen Special

ENDGAME - ALEX JONES - Blueprint for Global Enslavement

Bilderbergers, Banking Elites,
Rockefellers, Rothschilds,
global scamming warming
climate change
and MORE!!!

- Now with marginally fewer dead-ends than ever before!!! -

Wednesday, 24 October 2007

Manhole covers manufactured on Mars

Sure the title of this post might sound a little far fetched, but the Conspiraloon™ Alliance™ Ministry™ of Truthiness™ brings you the PROOFINESS™!!!*

shows Martian
and the space-age
(it would have to be)
ship it arrived in as
even the
Chinese can only fly
around the moon
40 years after merkins
landed, walked about
stuck a flag in it.

having just been
to be both
a SHILL™ and
Shayler Righteous Chav,
know best)
the last living incarnation of
the Jeshua consciousness (apart, of
course, from the other Messiah that David
wants everyone to hang around for in case no one

* !!! tHE uSE oF aT lEAST tHREE eXPLANATION mARKS pROVES™ tHE pROOFINESS™ oF tHE PROOF™!!! pURPLE is aLSO a good indicator and about 77.911% reliable in temperatures too low to melt steel but high enough to turn it molten and keep it that way for weeks. Three eXPLANATION marks also makes anything in close proximity a mathematically calculated 2 trillion times more true than anything you're likely to read in a magazine built entirely out of whiteness, blackness and the colours Cyan Magenta Yellow and Blue!!!

Tuesday, 23 October 2007

Hmmm, Truthy™...

And for all those Junior Conspiraloons™ out there who need help deciding which way to point their fingers, world-reknowned Terrorologist Webster Tarpley's in town(s) next month...

In these Federal Reserve-induced inflationary times where else are you going to find an evening of solid Infotainment for only a fiver?


Friday, 19 October 2007

Conspiracy Nut Speaks Out at Sinister Gathering

Taking time out from clearing up the mess Hamas caused by being democratically elected, our former prime minister bravely trousered a large speaking fee to share his demented worldview.
In a wild tale, he spoke of dark forces ranged against western civilisation,revealing the conspiracy's bloody,beating heart to be a group known only as

'The Iranians!!!'.

The venue for this outpouring of hatred was the Al Smith Memorial Dinner, an event open to anyone who ponied up the nominal £500 fee.
Mr Smith is fondly remembered as a staunch member of the Liberty League, who patriotically schemed to overthrow Franklin Delano Roosevelt back in the thirties.
Cardinal Egan, a flamboyant dresser (who, if he wasn't celibate, would definitely not be gay), introduced the speaker , noting that Winston Churchill was the last British prime minister to kill iraqi civilians and talk at this event. The speech exhibited all the hallmarks of our middle east envoy's dark obsessions, and remained clinically detached from reality throughout.
"if you ever need a babysitter..."

A transcript has yet to be found by the Alliance Laboratories, but when we do, we'll translate it into english from the original rubbish. Meanwhile here's a few morsels:
"There is a tendency even now, even in some of our own circles, to believe that they are as they are because we have provoked them and if we left them alone they would leave us alone. I fear this is mistaken!!!"
As an accomplished performer, he knew he had to give the audience what it wanted:
"This ideology now has a state - Iran - that is prepared to back and finance terror in the pursuit of destabilising countries whose people live to wish in peace!!!"
and further warned against
"rising fascism!!!*"
Alarmingly, he displayed the confusion found normally in the senile, wandering off subject to say:
“Analogies especially with the rise of fascism can be misleading but, in pure chronology, I sometimes wonder if we’re not in the 1920s, if not the 1930s, I fear.”
His words, according to the cardinal, 'lifted hearts' amongst the audience.
Who will stand with those brave, lonely souls, whose only wish is to bring the peace of the smouldering, atomic grave to Iran's oppressed?
After this sobering speech, I know one man who will.

*he might be looking in the wong place

Tuesday, 16 October 2007

Darkness in New Middle Earth

The newswires are glowing red hot concerning extremist activity in New Zealand. As usual these cases provide valuable information on how to identify these hotheads. A mere 300 kiwi plods took only a year to infiltrate and gather evidence on over 16 * of these miscreants. The focus seems to be on the character Tame Iti

(parental guidance!!! scary bad guy pic coming up).

"Mr Iti at his most relaxed"

Tame shuns the traditional interests of his community (substance abuse, unemployment, being in prison, suicide) and
"advocates full Maori independence"
Don't confuse him with this man:
who also shuns the traditional interests of his community (substance abuse, unemployment, being in prison, suicide) and

"advocates full Scotch Independence"

One is a bad guy and the other isn't**.

Extremist awareness fans like ourselves will recognise these tell-tale signs supplied by chief kiwi copper, Howard Broad:

The numbers of people attending the camps had been in the "tens", he said.

The people involved had been of varying ethnicities, with a raft of different "motivations" for attending.

Training involved the use of firearms and other weapons for "military-style" activity***.

wost of all, the telegraph adds:
Those arrested included environmental protesters and so-called peace activists.
*17 is the full terrifying number
**This may depend on membership of the Scotch Labour Party.
***Lucky bastards,our lot have to make do with imaginary firearms

Saturday, 13 October 2007

Our Bright Future

Sometimes it's too easy to dwell on the bad things in life. The men in white coats don't spend all their time creating future warriors, active denial systems, invisible men, urine based food (and making lady soldier's tits bigger).
We should strive to be more positive, like the quair fellow David Levy, who preaches a gospel of Robot Love:

"My forecast is that around 2050, the state of Massachusetts will be the first jurisdiction to legalize marriages with robots"
"It may sound a little weird, but it isn't," Levy said. "Love and sex with robots are inevitable."
"people who find it hard to form relationships, because they are extremely shy, or have psychological problems, or are just plain ugly or have unpleasant personalities,"
Fellow weirdo Ronald Arkin adds:
"If you have pedophiles and you let them use a robotic child, will that reduce the incidence of them abusing real children, or will it increase it? I don't think anyone has the answers for that yet — that's where future research needs to be done."
I'd like to see the methodology for that research.

Alas, as we will have to wait till 2050, I sincerely hope they add the senile and incontinent to this target demographic.

Reach for the Stars!! Climb Every Mountain Higher!

A fellow Truth™ Seeker writes...

"During a recent visit to the Common Purpose website my eye was drawn immediately to their rather peculiar logo, which very much reminded me of an equally peculiar feature of the new £20 note issued only few weeks ago. Both images are reproduced below and raise a number of intriguing questions..."

Read on


Thursday, 11 October 2007

The Full English vs The Full Muslim

As our brave lads on the Solent have pointed out:

"Whilst it is almost impossible to say with any certainty what a terrorist might look like, an individual’s activity or behaviour can become suspicious in the context of the location they are in. "
The latest terror trial has already given us vital pointers to these wily characters. You can be fairly sure you're dealing with one if they meet these scientific benchmarks:
  • Assumed name: Treat with caution anyone who introduces themselves as 'Osama bin London' as they may not be all they seem
  • Menacing behaviour: If they make veiled threats such as 'I've got a bomb and I'm going to blow you all up', you might well have one of these radical rascals on your hands.
  • Bad company: Often surrounded by shady characters, 'Mr Hamid's home was bugged by the security services and an undercover police officer penetrated the group's activities'
  • Inexplicable activity: Watch out for bizarre child like behaviour '...seen to adopt positions from which they fired imaginary weapons and pretended to remove the pin from grenades before throwing them...'
  • Strange Diet: The real giveaway is cultural. If they talk about this:
When you're talking about this:

"not even a breakfast for me"

It is almost certain
something's not quite right.

I feel, in my very marrow, that further vital information is to be gleaned from these proceedings. We are gaining an insight into a terrifying world but, as they say at the end of crimewatch:

"You are far more likely to be sexually molested by someone known to you, than a victim of terror."

Keep your eyes peeled, brothers and sisters!!

Tuesday, 9 October 2007

Mystic Met

It's always a difficult question, should you use your precognitive abilities to predict what powers you will need from the government, or to foil wrongdoing?
After a series of 'disappointments' in the 'foiling wrongdoing' bit, our guardians seem to have gone for the former. Indeed, Chief Plod Lionel Blair today emerged from an oracular trance to declare:

"The prospect that we will need more than 28 days some time in the not too distant future is so real a prospect that Parliament needs to consider it!!!"

Being one of those perfectly reasonable people who sees plots everywhere, he confided:

"The number of the conspiracies, the number of conspirators within those conspiracies and the magnitude of the ambition, in terms of destruction and loss of life, is mounting, has continued to mount year by year!!!"

Sir Lionel added that while no cases so far had needed detention beyond 28 days it was, like the implosion of our sun:

'only a matter of time!!!'

A word of caution.....Lionel's powers have betrayed everyone else him before...can we be sure he's got it right this time???

Watch out terrofascists, I've got plans for you!

Saturday, 6 October 2007

Idiot joins legal organisation, does nothing, then leaves legal organisation

Forget about faking phone-ins, mocking our monarch and cynically renaming cats! This,brothers and sisters, is what we pay our colour television license for:

Intro: 'Hello, I'm Jeremy Vine and I'm a cunt, presenting a programme about some Cambridge prick, for wankers who swallow all this shit about muslims taking over Denmark UK THE WORLD. Enjoy!'*

Part One: Idiot radicalised by colour television.

Part Two: Scary Foreigners speaking foreign languages, idiot does nothing

Part Three: Idiot de-radicalised by colour television.

*first draft of shooting script, not included in broadcast edit

Friday, 5 October 2007

Messages from the Messiah #1

The first in an occasional series of Messages™ from™ the™ Messiah™, featuring the Qabbalic wisdom of Messiah #1™ (of two), David Shayler Righteous Chav, the last living incarnate of the Jeshua Consciousness™ (except for the other one who hasn't appeared yet and Dodgy Dave's not tellin').

And on the 77th day, after 70 days of 7 hour trips in to the wilderness, The Messiah™ didst consulteth his one good all-seeing eye and report back to his disciples.

More of the messiah on Shayler TV™, the YouTube channel that beats God TV hands down. On God TV they can only profess to talk about the messiah and inspire countless unanswered prayers.
On Shayler TV, The Messiah™ talks directly to YOU.

Word in the Conspiraloon™ nuclear bunker is that God TV will be beating a hasty path to the posh country garden based teepee door of The Messiah™ and signing him up for a primetime show. Plans include a slot in which The Messiah™ will conduct daily interviews with other far more popular cartoon characters from TV, radio and newspaper-land, including Tania Head, the 9/11 survivor™ and heroine™ and President of a Survivor Group™ who turned out to be as fake as the event she was lying and faking and mooing and moaning about. Shit sells and people are buying.
Conspiraloon Tip4God TV
Now would be a good time to approach The Messiah™, it's mushroom season.

Hardened Conspiraloons™ will note that The Messiah™'s videos are cleverly labelled 911™ and 77™ in order to create the illusion that if Ex™ (ha ha!) intelligence operatives who lend their 'support' to fledgling, populist, political movements, speak out about events like 911, and then go on to pretend to be a Fucking Lunatic™ then anyone else who thinks that governments and intelligence services are a bunch of self-serving murderous fucks whose murderous intentions know no bounds must also be a Fucking Nutcase™.

Or maybe it's just a simple case of another The Father living his life vicariously through his son?

Wednesday, 3 October 2007

The Police State is Here

Would someone please send this man a Conspiraloon Alliance membership application form NOW!!