Satin Pajamas (the cultural imperialism of American spellings, oh joy), Bloggies, Boggies, Wiped Arse and various other stupidly named nonsense, you name it, Bloggers everywhere around the world, in the same way as the mainstream media that they so wish would employ them, are forever inventing mindless ways to pat themselves and their pals on their spineless yellow backs for being an ineffective shower of shit. Huzzah for Blog Power!
The Conspiraloon™ Alliance -- always outnumbered, never outgunned -- thought it was time we jumped on the introspective belly-button and anus gazing bandwagon (most of the Conspiraloon™ Alliance have a belly-button and anus each, one of us even has two thumbs on each hand) got in on the act so to speak, and started a meaningless and equally trite blog awards thing.
And thus the Blogaloon™ Conspirawards™ were born, purely on a whim, and just to prove what a load of bollocks this self congratulatory wank really is. Like packdogs on heat trailing a scent, only more-so and marginally less entertaining.
We were going to have 50 categories but none of the cunts in the Conspiraloon™ Alliance could be arsed to waste that much time thinking them all up, thereby making the whole process considerably less tedious for everyone than all those other Blog awards run by runts for cunts that take themselves far too seriously even if they think they don't.
The categories for nomations in the Blogaloon™ Conspirawards™ are:
1. Most contrived blog exhibiting highest levels of self-obsession and exhibiting the highest degree of Narcissistic Personality Disorder [demonstrated by excessive use of the personal pronouns such as: I, Me, My, Myself, Mine]
2. Blog that is exactly the same as reading vacuous and overpaid newspaper columnists only free and not nearly quite as amusing
3. Best blog from a country whose language you don't speak and can't read
4. Blog with the most tenuous grasp of reality
5. All round most interminable blog and author
6. Blog with the slackest grasp of anything that resembles truth
7. Best Internet-wide vendetta, persecution and witch-hunting blog
8. Blog with the most campaign buttons that means their author can sit around and do fuck all of any use because they've got a button [Find Maddie buttons score 10x and a bonus ball]
9. Best Internet wide vendetta, persecution and witch-hunting victim blog
10 Best North American Blog or ColumnEd: No, fuck 'em
11. Best blog named Conspiraloonery™ Central
12. Blog buoyed by the best use of fawning sock-puppets that give the appearance of popularity or consensus
13. Style over substance [pretty looking, but fucking awful to read]
Leave your nominations in the comments to this post after the number of the category for which you are nominating them. So for example, if you wanted to nominate Conspiraloonery™ Central in the "Best blog named Conspiraloonery™ Central" category, you would write:
11. Conspiraloonery™ Central
Alternatively, go hog wild and invent a whole new category for the Blogaloon™ Conspirawards™, undoubtedly an exercise with far greater potential for humourous responses.
Voting is open until such time as the Conspiraloon™ Alliance get bored with the whole thing and we'll count up the votes if and when we can be fucking bothered.