Monday, 4 June 2007

Conspiraloon™ Blog Awards 2K+7

Satin Pajamas (the cultural imperialism of American spellings, oh joy), Bloggies, Boggies, Wiped Arse and various other stupidly named nonsense, you name it, Bloggers everywhere around the world, in the same way as the mainstream media that they so wish would employ them, are forever inventing mindless ways to pat themselves and their pals on their spineless yellow backs for being an ineffective shower of shit. Huzzah for Blog Power!

Blink now while there's still time.

The Conspiraloon™ Alliance -- always outnumbered, never outgunned -- thought it was time we jumped on the introspective belly-button and anus gazing bandwagon (most of the Conspiraloon™ Alliance have a belly-button and anus each, one of us even has two thumbs on each hand) got in on the act so to speak, and started a meaningless and equally trite blog awards thing.

And thus the Blogaloon™ Conspirawards™ were born, purely on a whim, and just to prove what a load of bollocks this self congratulatory wank really is. Like packdogs on heat trailing a scent, only more-so and marginally less entertaining.

We were going to have 50 categories but none of the cunts in the Conspiraloon™ Alliance could be arsed to waste that much time thinking them all up, thereby making the whole process considerably less tedious for everyone than all those other Blog awards run by runts for cunts that take themselves far too seriously even if they think they don't.

The categories for nomations in the Blogaloon™ Conspirawards™ are:

1. Most contrived blog exhibiting highest levels of self-obsession and exhibiting the highest degree of Narcissistic Personality Disorder [demonstrated by excessive use of the personal pronouns such as: I, Me, My, Myself, Mine]

2. Blog that is exactly the same as reading vacuous and overpaid newspaper columnists only free and not nearly quite as amusing

3. Best blog from a country whose language you don't speak and can't read

4. Blog with the most tenuous grasp of reality

5. All round most interminable blog and author

6. Blog with the slackest grasp of anything that resembles truth

7. Best Internet-wide vendetta, persecution and witch-hunting blog

8. Blog with the most campaign buttons that means their author can sit around and do fuck all of any use because they've got a button [Find Maddie buttons score 10x and a bonus ball]

9. Best Internet wide vendetta, persecution and witch-hunting victim blog

10 Best North American Blog or Column Ed: No, fuck 'em

11. Best blog named Conspiraloonery™ Central

12. Blog buoyed by the best use of fawning sock-puppets that give the appearance of popularity or consensus

13. Style over substance [pretty looking, but fucking awful to read]

Leave your nominations in the comments to this post after the number of the category for which you are nominating them. So for example, if you wanted to nominate Conspiraloonery™ Central in the "Best blog named Conspiraloonery™ Central" category, you would write:
11. Conspiraloonery™ Central

Alternatively, go hog wild and invent a whole new category for the Blogaloon™ Conspirawards™, undoubtedly an exercise with far greater potential for humourous responses.

Voting is open until such time as the Conspiraloon™ Alliance get bored with the whole thing and we'll count up the votes if and when we can be fucking bothered.


conspiraloon™ said...

11. Conspiraloonery™ Central

It's fucking brilliant and definitely the best blog named Conspiraloonery™ Central by far.

Jon Doy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jon Doy said...

i hereby select Conspiraloonery™ Central for nomination for the Blogaloon™ Conspiraward™ for 11 - 'Best blog named Conspiraloonery™ Central'

and myself for 12 - in the sub[terranean base] category of fawning sock puppet

paul said...

Strange, I was just thinking about awards as a ruse to help the alliance make the leap from anonymity to obscurity.

Something along the lines of the stained drawers awards but without the cunts.

Stef said...

How about a new category

'Best CIA Fake website'

and I'd like to nominate Break for News...

becaase I think that's a funny thing to do

paul said...

No 1 looks nailed on even before the bookies have opened.

Stef said...

I'd also like to nominate Michael Tsarion's swarm of interconnected websites

for all categories 1 through to 13 except #11.

though he probably does run a site called Conspiraloonery™ Central somewhere

Stef said...

4. Blog with the most tenuous grasp of reality

For my money it just has to be Melanie Phillips' Diary...

Call me old-fashioned but the mainstream media and maninstream journalists can still still show us Internet-based upstarts a thing or two

It's probably just me but I find that my reading experience is significantly enhanced if I form a mental pciture of Mel foaming at the mouth and rocking back and forward on her chair as she types things like...

The war against the Jews

The hatred of Israel that now courses through Britain’s veins has now erupted in yet another frenzy whose irrationality and spite are scarcely credible. One now gets a whiff of what it must have been like during the witch-hunts of the Middle Ages; one now begins to understand just what Kafka was describing. British Jews are being swept up in a psychic maelstrom targeted at their right to peoplehood...

seeeyeay fake said...

I've just checked and Conspiraloonery™ Central isn't on Fintan's list of CIA-fakes.

Pull your sock puppets up and try harder.

Oh and Melanie Phillips for all categories from 1 to 9 including a new category 666 for obvious reasons.

11. I nominate Conspiraloonery™ Central.

Stef said...

Melanie's wit and love of Humanity shines through every word she writes. She's a simple girl who, deep down, just wants to settle down away from the Big City somewhere and run her own detention camp

paul said...

Her icy comportment and cadaverous appearance always brings to mind a 'grey' wearing a threadbare woolen bonnet, Could she scoop no 3 as well?

The Antagonist said...

Paul: You win the star prize for noticing the resemblance between Melanie Phillips and a Grey. That's the sort of top quality insight we need in the Conspiraloon™ Alliance.

Stef: If Mad Mel's so profoundly enamoured by Israel, why doesn't she fuck off and live there?

I love the way she confuses the Lehi Terror Gang State of Israel with Jews, it makes already muddy waters even less clear. If you're an idiot to start with, that is.

Fertive Nun said...

Dear Madames et Monsieurs

I should very much like to bring to your tinfoil hatted attention something that might affect the votes cast in your forthcoming Blogaloon™ Conspirawards™:

Fintan Dunne - he who managed to make friends and influence people with his CIA Fakes list referred to by Stef above, is a self admitted 'TIA' operative.

Look closely at his site and you will find, hidden in plane sight: The Intelligent Alternative

Look closely at his avatar and you can see clear evidence of photoshopping as well - PROOF!!!™


Stef said...

I've just noticed that the category

Best Internet wide vendetta, persecution and witch-hunting victim blog

crops up twice (#7, #9)

Some mistake surely?

Why only twice?

Surely this category needs to be duplicated as many times as possible and receive the widest possible circulation?

Bridget Dunne said...

Any of you clever so & sos able to add a 'most recent comments' bar on this blog?

as for #7 & #9 slight difference although 'victim' and 'bully' are often interchangeable imo.

The Antagonist said...

Surely this category needs to be duplicated as many times as possible and receive the widest possible circulation?

Yes, with hindsight it should have comprised all 'Jesus and his disciples' categories.

Still, there's always time to make it into a super new blog button saying 'Click here'.

The Antagonist said...

.... and then distribute it among all right-thinking, sorry, free-thinking people in the known blogaloon universalis.

Stef said...

Thanks Bridget, I do get confused about the difference sometimes

The Antagonist said...

I do get confused about the difference sometimes

Easily done. Everything contains its opposite and the visible and superficial can often be very different beasts to the essence and the substance.

The Antagonist said...

.... if indeed there is any substance to begin with.